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The Stories of Scott D. Southard

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  • August 5, 2014

    And Now the Back Flip! A Writing Update

    The GymnastAh, my blog… How nice to be back. I’ve missed you. I feel like I am reopening the door of a room that has been shut for a while, wondering if I need to dust or vacuum. What’s funny about that is that while everything felt like a pause for me, my site continued to grow. Reaching now the awesome tally of 1406 followers. Thank you everyone!

    I’ve been so focused on my fiction and writing outside the blog that I’ve only done simple entries over the last few weeks. Maybe others don’t see it that way, but I do when I look at the site. This site was built to challenge myself and my writing and when I don’t… well… I don’t.

    While it may have seemed a little dry creatively on this site, I have been very busy. Actually, I feel on a writing high right now, Like I could do anything, accomplish anything if I put my mind to it. I am a gymnast in my mind, certain that I would land on my feet without even that little hop. It’s a good feeling and a good place to be creatively as a writer.

    I have a lot of hope, there seems to be a lot of possibility, a wonderful feeling.

    Hope is the thing with feathers… and a smile and wink of the eye.

    Time for some updates. (more…)

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  • August 4, 2014

    Flashback Monday: “The Mad Man I Stole From ” From ME STUFF

    CarIt’s Monday, and time for the fifth installment of Flashback Monday! (You can  other entries here, here,  here, and here).  Each of these posts are part of my new collection ME STUFF. This post is called “The Mad Man I Stole From.” Here is a bit from the beginning:

    I needed money.

    I had just moved out to Los Angeles to attend the University of Southern California. I was going to get my Master’s in writing and I had dreams of screenplays and television pilots, actresses calling me and pleading for a role in my latest projects. I also imagined myself wearing sunglasses a lot. The LA dream!

    Now, I did have some savings before making the move. I had even set it up so my student loans would cover my student housing, but as the weeks turned into months I saw that savings stockpile dripping away thanks to food and a car loan, and maybe one too many trips to Disneyland.

    My initial hope was to find work at a studio, but anything I would have gotten would have been so entry-level I’d be surprised if they even paid me a dime. I would be working for the experience and the contacts, probably a good decision for my career, just not for my livelihood. Plus, I had no idea how to make coffee. I assumed such a job would involve coffee.

    When I first arrived in LA I did my best to get to know each of the professors (thinking that each was a possible contact to someone in the industry who might want a young, ambitious writer like me). One professor was quite fond of me since I recognized her from an episode of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. I even owned a copy of that episode and she was thrilled to see she was listed on the back of it as a guest star. After that she gave me a series of odd little jobs, including once transporting some of her sculptures (she was an artist as well) in the back seat of my car. One of the statues was of an angel fallen to the earth surrounded by little rocks. I still occasionally find some of those little rocks in my car.

    After eating dinner at her house with some of my fellow students (she was always having us over), she told me about this man she knew. Eccentric, she called him, a real character (“You would like him.”) and he owned a car company.

    “A car company?” That idea floored me. How does someone just own a car company? Was he Henry freaking Ford?

    “Well, the brand,” she explained noticing the expression on my face. “He is an entrepreneur and he is trying to start it up. He needs a writer. Are you interested?”

    Me Stuff, front coverThis was actually a two-parter on the site. The first part you can check out here, the second here. Or, even better, you can grab a copy of ME STUFF which contains 40 editorials like this one and it is super cheap-o.

    The eBook version of the book is only $1.99 (here on Amazon) and in print for only $8.99 (here on Amazon).

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  • July 28, 2014

    Flashback Monday: “The Night I Stopped Being a Model” from ME STUFF

    ModelsThis is the fourth entry in Flashback Monday (you can check out the other entries here, here, and here). Each of these posts are part of my new collection ME STUFF.

    Today, I am sharing “The Night I Stopped Being a Model” which includes everything from lingerie to Max Headroom.

    Here is a bit from the beginning:

    From around the age of 8 to about 13, I was a model. Yes, I once worked it.

    Before anyone gets overwhelmed by images of catwalks, raining money, national commercials, and maybe bulimia, this was all local stuff; the work was not even unionized. And, to be honest, even locally I was not very popular. My brother was the popular one. He even had an agent before me. He is six-years younger than me, did a lot of local theater and had cute long curly hair.  He played the camera, I stared dumbly at it.

    So in a way, I was the twofer. “If you need an older brother for the cute kid, we have one ready for you!”

    The first ad, I ever did was for a holiday commercial for Meijer. It was around GI Joe action figures, and for some reason they had me and this other boy dress in matching camouflage (because boys did that, coordinate their clothing with their toys). And for about 15 minutes, this stranger and I played with army toys on the ground (that was turned into less than five seconds on TV). Knowing me as a kid (and now), the image of me dressed like that playing with that kind of toy is kind of hilarious. That’s acting, that is!

    You can read the rest of the article here.Me Stuff, front cover

    Or, even better, you can grab a copy of ME STUFF which contains 40 editorials like this one and it is super cheap-o. The eBook version of the book is only $1.99 (here on Amazon) and in print for only $8.99 (here on Amazon).

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  • July 21, 2014

    Flashback Monday: “The Happy Bliss of Dentistry” from ME STUFF

    The Happy ToothIt’s Monday faithful readers and time for another flashback! Yup, where I share a post that appears in my new fun-gotta-read-it-sometime-hilarious book ME STUFF.

    In the previous installments I took on poison and a sharp knife.  This time I take on a new form of torture. Let’s hear it for dentists! (Actually, I like my current dentist, he seems like a good guy.) Here is an excerpt from the beginning:

    I have always had a thing about dentists.

    It’s not a fear, more like a slight terror fueled by judgment and pain.  Let me break that down a little more.

    Cavities hurt and I dislike pain so I naturally associate the pain with the person who works in the mouth. I know it is like blaming the mechanic for my car breaking down, but I do it.

    The judgment? Well, sometimes I feel like dentists harshly evaluate me and how I am overseeing the management of my own mouth. Has anyone else noticed this? When they are telling you what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong, doesn’t a part of you feel like you are being lectured? Now, I can’t point to a specific moment when a finger was wagged in my direction or eyes were rolled, but I sense it. I know it is there. The hidden eye roll is always there.

    Because of all of this, I had been very relaxed on my visits over much of my adult life. And sadly, over the last five years this has come back to bite me in the ass… or mouth… or something. I’m just trying to say I hate my teeth right now and there is biting and occasional pain involved with it.  The biting, I mean. Argh!

    Me Stuff, front coverYou can read the rest of this article here.

    Or, even better, you can grab a copy of ME STUFF which contains 40 editorials like this one and it is super cheap-o. The eBook version of the book is only $1.99 (here on Amazon) and in print for only $8.99 (here on Amazon).

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  • July 14, 2014

    Flashback Monday: “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Vasectomy” from ME STUFF

    The great ending...Before I get to this week’s Flashback Monday (a classic old post that is collected in the new book ME STUFF, I did one last week as well about poisoning a professor which you can check out here), I just want to say something quick… ah hmm…

    It’s only a few hours left to enter to win an autographed copy of ME STUFF!!! What are you waiting for!?! The link is at the bottom of this post! Hurry! Hurry!

    Okay, I am done.  Here is the beginning of a piece I am pretty proud of, “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Vasectomy.” (Yup, you read that right; oh, and it also contains one of the most disturbing things anyone has ever said to me at a doctor’s office).

    This was my end of the bargain.

    My wife would have our two lovely children and when she was done I would go to the guillotine, as it were. I would be Sydney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities, with both hands tied behind my back being led to my destiny while reciting, “It is a far, far better thing I do…”

    That sounds strangely noble in theory, but in actuality, I must admit, with the birth of our second child I had been avoiding this doctor trip like the plague. I had postponed the visit two different times (scheduling then rescheduling… twice), but after a year, I was running out of excuses for myself.

    On the day of the appointment, I was freaking out. I tried to explain this to my wife, but, as sympathetic as she tried to be, she didn’t get it. And comparing it to what she had to experience in the birthing of our children, didn’t help. Yes, I am sure birth is a bigger life changing, panic-driven, and painful experience. But for a guy, this is something. Yes, it means something, and it’s not something that can be easily explained, it’s in the gut, it’s in the animal part of the brain. It is part of what defines us as male. Hear us roar!

    You can read the rest of this article here. Or, even better, you can grab a copy of ME STUFF which contains 40 editorials like this one and it is super cheap-o. The eBook version of the book is only $1.99 (here on Amazon) and in print for only $8.99 (here on Amazon).

    Goodreads Book Giveaway

    Me Stuff by Scott D. Southard

    Me Stuff

    by Scott D. Southard

    Giveaway ends July 15, 2014.

    See the giveaway details
    at Goodreads.

    Enter to win

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  • July 12, 2014

    Only a few days left to win an autographed copy of ME STUFF (the new book)!

    On July 15, two readers will win an autographed copy of my new book, ME STUFF. Have you signed up yet? What are you waiting for?  Click on the link below; it is just calling to you, man!

    Goodreads Book Giveaway

    Me Stuff by Scott D. Southard

    Me Stuff

    by Scott D. Southard

    Giveaway ends July 15, 2014.

    See the giveaway details
    at Goodreads.

    Enter to win

    ME STUFF is a collection of 40 personal and fun posts from this site. Here is the description from the back cover:

    Thieves, psychics, evil poets, mad men, car companies, literary greats, tornadoes, models, vasectomies, bankers, children, Satanists, princesses, truckers, comics, rock stars, strippers, superheroes…

    Me Stuff is a collection of some of the most popular blogposts from Scott Southard’s writing site “The Musings & Artful Blunders of Scott D. Southard.” Made for both the fan and the newbie, Me Stuff has something for everyone… Well, except for those who don’t like entertaining stories. This book can’t help those people.

    Since I created it for my followers on this site, I made it extra-affordable, only $1.99 as an eBook (here) and $8.99 in print (here).  If you want to know more first (kick the literary tires), I shared an excerpt from the book recently, this link. It is called “Poisoning the Genius.” It’s about that awkward moment we all have experienced… when you poison a professor who is also a literary legend.  (Oh wait, was that just me?)

    Good luck to all of the entries!

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  • July 10, 2014

    NEW WKAR Book Review: Forgiving the Angel by Jay Cantor

    Current StateI am back on WKAR’s Current State with a new book review! This time I am looking at the new book by Jay Cantor, Forgiving the Angel.

    You can listen to my review here: http://wkar.org/post/book-review-forgiving-angel

    You can also read my book review below.

    Forgiving the Angel can be found on Amazon here. If you would be interested in hearing/reading more of my NPR book reviews, you can do so via links on this page.

    I hope you enjoy my new book review! (more…)

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  • July 7, 2014

    Flashback Monday: “Poisoning the Genius” from ME STUFF

    poison-symbol1Last week, a brand spanking new book collecting forty of my posts from this site was released! To commemorate the release of ME STUFF, I’m going to be sharing some of the posts that made the cut in the book each Monday. I’m really proud of the book  and I hope you will check it out.

    Here is the beginning of one of the works, “Poisoning the Genius”:

    I want to say this at the start and I want it be clear to all who read this that I had no intention of killing my professor.

    However, I’m certain if things had turned out worse that fateful night, some of my fellow students would have sold me down the river. I can picture them even today, accusingly pointing their finger across the courtroom at me. “There he is! That is the man who did it! That is the monster!”

    The funny thing is there is actually a precedence for poisoning teachers in my family. Back when my grandmother was a principal at monthly meetings one of the heavier set teachers used to eat all of the snacks before the other teachers had a chance. My grandmother, being my grandmother, decided that she was going to send a “subtle” message to that teacher.

    At the next full staff meeting, my grandmother brought in “special” brownies. Oh, they were fine. Perfectly fine… except for the biggest piece which was filled to the brim with laxatives.

    That teacher called in sick the next day.

    You can read the rest of the post on this site here. OR, better yet, you can grab a copy of ME STUFF. The eBook version of the book is only $1.99 (here on Amazon) and in print for only $8.99 (here on Amazon).

    But wait, that’s not all!  Two lucky readers on GoodReads.com will win an autographed copy of the book. Here is the info below. Enter today!

    Goodreads Book Giveaway

    Me Stuff by Scott D. Southard

    Me Stuff

    by Scott D. Southard

    Giveaway ends July 15, 2014.

    See the giveaway details
    at Goodreads.

    Enter to win

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  • July 1, 2014

    ME STUFF (my new book) is out today! More info! Enter to win an autographed copy!

    Me Stuff, front cover

    I’m happy to announce today the release of my new book Me Stuff!

    When I began this site three years ago, I never thought I would be releasing a book like this or that even people would be interested in my little blog and ramblings. And yet, here we are and I can’t wait for you to check out this fun collection. I’m really proud of it and it has a little bit of everything, containing 40 popular entries. A little humor, a little romance, a little song and dance.

    It is exclusively available via Amazon.com. The print copy is only $9.99 and the eBook version is just $1.99! You can find Me Stuff here.

    To help celebrate the release of Me Stuff, two lucky readers on GoodReads.com will win an autographed copy of the book. The sweepstakes is through July 15. You can enter by clicking below.

    Goodreads Book Giveaway

    Me Stuff by Scott D. Southard

    Me Stuff

    by Scott D. Southard

    Giveaway ends July 15, 2014.

    See the giveaway details
    at Goodreads.

    Enter to win

    Good luck to all of the entries!

    Here is the description of the book from the back cover:

    Thieves, psychics, evil poets, mad men, car companies, literary greats, tornadoes, models, vasectomies, bankers, children, Satanists, princesses, truckers, comics, rock stars, strippers, superheroes…

    Me Stuff is a collection of some of the most popular blogposts from Scott Southard’s writing site “The Musings & Artful Blunders of Scott D. Southard.” Made for both the fan and the newbie, Me Stuff has something for everyone… Well, except for those who don’t like entertaining stories. This book can’t help those people.

    If you have enjoyed this site in the past, I hope you will grab a copy of my new book  (here) and maybe even tell a friend. And, as always, thank you for reading. This book wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for the support of readers like you. Thank you!

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  • June 29, 2014

    A Jane Austen Daydream on (blog) tour! September 1-12!

    A Jane Austen DaydreamToday it was announced that my book A Jane Austen Daydream will be taking part in a blog tour this September (1-12) sponsored by Historical Fiction Virtual Book Tour! Very cool!

    On their page for the upcoming tour (which you can visit here), you can check out reviews for the book, an excerpt and more information.  I look forward to seeing you out their in the virtual world of tomorrow… about someone who lived 200 years ago. LOL.

    Cheers!

     

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