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The Stories of Scott D. Southard

  • In Jerry’s Corner
  • A Jane Austen Daydream
  • Permanent Spring Showers
  • Megan
  • Maximilian Standforth and the Case of the Dangerous Dare
  • The Dante 3
  • Me Stuff
  • Man Behind the Curtain
  • May 29, 2014

    My Battle With Roses

    RoseI am lousy with plants.

    I don’t feel particularly defeatist about this, this is just something that has never interested me, and clearly I have little skills around nature. So both sides seem to acquiesce to mediocrity.

    The first time I even attempted to grow something was when my wife and I got a little live Christmas tree as a gift. This was back in the quiet days before kids and we were living in an apartment and I thought what the hell? Why not try to keep this thing alive. It deserved a chance to live, right? It was either that or throw it away. The second option felt cruel (picturing a little cartoon voice screaming in my imagination), so there you go.

    After re-potting this little tree, I began to water it and keep a daily eye on it as it sat by the window. When the weather got warmer, we moved it to the balcony and, I’m still not sure how this was possible, a frog began visiting it. This frog would somehow get to our second floor balcony every night, and then relax by it, maybe under it or on the railing nearby. It would just chill, the tree would just chill, and we would sit by the window watching both, chilling as well.

    A strange and beautiful moment of peace.

    Sadly, this was not to last and the tree didn’t survive the summer with its branches turning from green to brown. There was nothing I could do. My wife explained that little trees like that are not really breed to survive. So my dream of it growing into a full tree that I could plant in a future yard and each year decorate with lights, telling my perfect future kids about how I had grown it from a little sprout… well… that wasn’t going to be.

    I know we gave that tree and frog both names, but I can’t remember either of them right now. (more…)

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  • May 28, 2014

    My Indiana Jones Obsession

    TempleThis last weekend marked the 30th anniversary of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. (Wow, that makes me feel old!) When it first came out, I was traumatized. That is not a joke. I had to be pulled out of the theater by my uncle. I went back in a few minutes later, and who can blame a young kid for needing a breath of fresh air. There was a lot of evil going on!

    Honestly, looking back though I blame my uncle and aunt now more than the movie. I was not 13 and clearly the poster said PG-13. Whatever the case, I walked away from that film a big Indiana Jones fan, and I would consider myself more in his nerd camp than Doctor Who or Star Wars or anything else I ramble about on this site.

    I have the hats, I have the ringtone of the theme, and I use quotes from Raiders all of the time (not that people really know that I do it). For a long time, I’ve dreamed of writing an Indiana Jones script. Seriously, I have piles of ideas. One stack (or file on the computer) is related to Harrison Ford still being Indy and older, the other is if we get to go back and have a younger Indy fight Nazis (and really, shouldn’t the character continue like a Bond? Technically there has been five actors to play the part. It’s hasn’t all been Harrison).

    Below are three articles I have written where Indy has made an appearance. Actually, it has been a lot (A LOT) more, but I thought I would keep to just three for the time being. Enjoy!

    Losing the Fedora: Is Indiana Jones Done?It looks like Indy might not be done! Rumor has it that something is in the works for the man in the fedora. This post is still a fun read since it breaks down a lot of my own experiences with the archeologist.

    If I Could Wear a Halloween Costume. Not surprising, Indy is part of this discussion.

    Losing Raiders. Back in 2010, I grieved when I became older than Indy was in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Let’s return to those happier (and younger) days.

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  • May 23, 2014

    Free eBook for Memorial Day Weekend! The playful, odd, and thrilling MAXIMILIAN STANDFORTH……

    Maximilian Standforth and the Case of the Dangerous Dare, Cover“If you like your supernatural books where reality mixes with the impossible, the inexplicable, then this is the book for you…. It is beautifully written.” GoodReads.com

    Need an eBook for this Memorial Day Weekend? Want something different, unique, unpredictable? Consider one of my latest novels Maximilian Standforth and the Case of the Dangerous Dare. It is free for a very limited time on amazon for Kindle. You can find it here (http://www.amazon.com/Maximilian-Standforth-Case-Dangerous-Dare-ebook/dp/B00CXSDEBE/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1400851518&sr=8-2&keywords=Scott+Southard). Grab a copy today!

    “I started this book expecting a Sherlock Holmes style mystery with a bit more humour and got so much more than I bargained for!… If you have read any Jasper Fforde,  imagine him writing whilst tripping on acid.” amazon.co.uk

    This is one of my favorites of my books.  Maximilian Standforth and the Case of the Dangerous Dare is the supposed fifth book in a fake mystery series. Here is the back cover description:

    The cursed and foreboding McGregor Castle is the most terrifying and haunted location in all of the British Empire. Only a brave (or foolish) soul would consider visiting it, let alone staying within its walls for five days. In other words, a perfect dare for a man like Maximilian Standforth!

    Maximilian Standforth, famed playboy aristocrat and private detective, is a genius with dangerous tastes. With Bob (his trusty carriage driver, biographer, and body guard) and Maggie Collins (actress, spy, and maid) by his side, Maximilian will experience horrors and madness unlike any seen before. For it is at McGregor Castle that the team will discover more than they ever could imagine in this very experimental and genre-breaking thriller.

    You can enjoy a test run of it with the first chapter below. And if you do decide to grab this free eBook, would you consider showing your thanks by grabbing another of my novels as well? A Jane Austen Daydream is only $3.99 on Amazon here. My other two novels (My Problem With Doors and Megan) can both be found exclusively on Google Play for ebook here (which will work on Kindle as well).

    “This book proved to me the writing skill of Mr. Southard! I believe the man has quite the imagination, albeit a twisted one” Goodreads.com

    (more…)

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  • May 21, 2014

    Five Things I Am Into Right Now, May 2014

    IndyWhenever I have a sore throat I like to imagine that I sound like Harrison Ford. Not current-day Harrison, no, I’m talking classic Harrison. You know that moment in The Raiders of the Lost Ark when he looks right at the camera (Marion Ravenwood) and says “Trust me.”

    Right there! That is my sore throat voice!

    Of course, this is complete poppycock. I just sound like myself, but more nasally and rough.

    I always expect more of my voice. I assume it can sound smooth, I also assume I can sing. Both things proven wrong many, many times. Yet, there is a chance if you drive alongside me you might see me singing in my car. I actually got in an accident once driving and singing to They Might Be Giants. I kid you not! And, forever after that, you could hear the moment of the accident in the tape. It is like a hiccup. That tape hiccup was my life flashing before my eyes.

    Whatever the case, I have a little bit of a cold today. I’ll be fine, and I’ll spend the rest of my day happily imagining I have the world to save from Nazis.

    Here is my list of the five awesome things I am into right now. This is a great list. Trust me. (more…)

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  • May 20, 2014

    Want to finish that book? Need some experienced help?

    Broken Pencil“Scott was a gift I gave my book. He led me on a wild and wonderful expedition, where I was expected to do all the work. By the end of journey, I had discovered that I was no longer satisfied with just scratching the surface. I trusted my guide as he pointed out danger zones and to places he thought I needed to explore further. I dug, and I dug and I dug…and lo and behold, there was my treasure. Right where I’d buried it. Hire this man, your book, will thank you for it.” -Terri Lee, terrileeauthor.com

    One of the things I love to do from time to time is work as a freelance editor with authors. For me, editing is not just about finding those little mistakes (that is the easy bit), it is about finding the better book.

    If you are a new writer and want an experienced eye to review your book, sadly you won’t get that through most editing services. They will focus mainly on grammar and then point you to their publishing services and charges.  My goal is the same as yours, to make the best book possible. The kind of book that sweeps a reader off their feet and takes them someplace they were not expecting.

    I contract my editing services through Rebecca T. Dickson (editor and founder of Write Raw and author of the book The Definitive Guide to Writing on Your Terms), you can find her and her writing services at her website here.  If you would like to learn more about hiring my services or availability, you can reach her directly at beckster7219 (at) gmail (dot) com. And you can learn more about my editing, my writing and editing philosophy, and my experiences on my page for editing here.

    I hope to work with you soon!

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  • May 19, 2014

    Random Thoughts While Getting My Car Fixed…

    MechanicTalking to a mechanic or a car dealer is like talking to a Dr. Seuss character for me. Seriously, they could say anything and I would believe it.

    The fop-whistle on the groaning plate is off by three particles.

    Sure, I reply and nod.

    –

    Apparently, the peanut butter cup pancakes at Denny’s are only good in theory.

    Who designs their menu? Is it just a bunch of guys debating over beers? This is how I imagine the discussion of their “master chefs” in the corporate offices:

    “Should we add more chocolate chips?”

    “Good idea, people love chocolate (Burp).”

    “Good one.”

    –

    It’s been over 20 years since I have been in a marching band, so why is it that I still walk in tempo?

    AND when I try not to walk in tempo a part of my brain seems to revolt in disgust. I just can’t do it. It feels like a success and a failure all at the same time. (more…)

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  • May 17, 2014

    “The game is afoot!” Some comedy for my now 1300 followers!

    sherlockThis is a few days late, but I wanted to write and thank my now 1300 blog subscribers.  (Which is at 1306 or so now.)

    Thank you!

    Over the next few months I have a lot of new things planned, including sharing the release of the audiobook version of A Jane Austen Daydream (which sounds awesome), a new book, and a collection of my blogposts entitled Me Stuff.  So stay tuned!

    To celebrate this milestone for my little site, below you will find some comedy. (Man, this really makes me smile.) I think you will really like it, especially if you are a fan of the inhabitants of 221B Baker Street.

    It is a Sherlock Holmes parody I wrote, which was recorded by Mind’s Ear Audio Productions (the same good people who produced my radio series The Dante Experience, which you can listen to for free on this page).

    I hope you enjoy “Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Dating Dilemma.”

    https://sdsouthard.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/01-track-01-track-02-track-03.mp3

    Thank you again for following my site!

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  • May 15, 2014

    New WKAR Book Review: In the House Upon The Dirt Between the Lake and the Woods by Matt Bell

    Current StateI am back on WKAR’s Current State with a new book review! This time I am reviewing the new novel (and Michigan Notable Book for 2014) In the House Upon the Dirt Between the Lake and the Woods by Matt Bell. This is kind of a unique book review for me, as you will soon hear.

    You can listen to my review here: http://wkar.org/post/book-review-matthew-bells-latest-novel

    You can also read my book review below.

    In the House Upon the Dirt Between the Lake and the Woods  can be found on Amazon here. If you would be interested in hearing/reading more of my NPR book reviews, you can do so via links on this page.

    I hope you enjoy my new book review! (more…)

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  • May 13, 2014

    Thoughts on Book Reviewing

    BooksI’m coming up on the year anniversary since I started doing the book reviews for my local NPR station. Soon my twentieth appearance will be on WKAR’s Current State. (You can check out links to them here). I really love doing them, and I look at each of them as not just as an opportunity to share my opinion on a book, but to also educate the listener of how to read a book or what to look for. I have even been known to throw in facts about literature and its vast history.

    What can I say? I love the artform. Books are my passion.

    I’ve written quite a few posts on this site about book reviews today. The good, the bad, what not to do, the questionable things, the author experience. I thought I would share the links to four of those writing posts below and give some updates as well since when I wrote them. Enjoy!

    The Thin Muddy Line of Online Book Reviews. All the problems I discuss in this article still happen all the time. And I still get requests to “exchange” reviews. It makes me so uncomfortable and I am surprised how many writers are okay with it. As an NPR reviewer, I could never, ever consider such an enterprise since it would put all of my reviews into question. But I wouldn’t have considered it even before I started this great gig! Whatever the case, whenever I get an e-mail or a tweet asking me to do this I get a sick feeling in my stomach and a little angry.

    The Troll Under the Bridge: How to Write a Good Bad Book Review. Trolls don’t go away. But you know, I think a lot of people don’t realize that is what they are doing, or the impact it has on other people. It reminds me of the time when I was a kid and with a friend we called a 1-800 number on a milk carton asking what color their cows are that give chocolate milk (we were 8). It’s like that mentality.

    Charging the Melancholy Dragon. A lot of my heart as a writer is out there in this post. I really discuss in some spots on the difficulties of writing and dealing with reviews (good and bad).

    goodreads-buttonLoving Goodreads (And Some Reviewing Suggestions).  This is my most recent post on the subject. I still love the site, but I don’t know how it could be improved without some reviewers hired to review the reviewing (say that five times fast), or to “star” certain reviewers as being more “legitimate” and their reviews given more girth in the grading.  That last point is definitely something to consider.

     

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  • May 8, 2014

    Grocery Shopping With Atheists

    Grocery CartI would call it a holy time, but that would be wrong… very wrong.

    See, there is this moment each weekend when it is glorious to go grocery shopping. There are barely any crowds, the shelves are fully stocked, the workers are hanging around and very willing to help, and you feel like you are the center of the store. This wondrous time is Sunday morning when all of the good people are at church.

    I would not call me or my fellow Sunday morning shoppers rebels. We are not the cool kids who were smoking on the corner in high school. If anything we are smart scavengers, taking an opportunity in front of us while others have their backs turned.

    When I try to imagine who we are Biblically I always immediately think of the masses who when Moses was up on the Mount Sinai decided to throw a wild party and then built a golden calf. (And, to be honest, after all those people had to go through didn’t they deserve at least a little party?)

    We are more sophisticated now, of course. We are all listening to our iPhones, buying fresh fruit, and enjoying the casual attire that not attending church allows us. Sundays for me is about wearing hoodies not ties. And the great thing about a hoodie is I can hide my face if I need to, because I do feel a bit of guilt each time I see a family in smart clothes on their way to a service.

    I always tell myself that they aren’t judging me, and I have no reason to feel this way, but I still do and I avert my eyes accordingly.

    I’m sorry about the golden calf. I’ll just put it over here. It won’t bother you. I like the tie, by the way.

    (more…)

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