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The Stories of Scott D. Southard

  • In Jerry’s Corner
  • A Jane Austen Daydream
  • Permanent Spring Showers
  • Megan
  • Maximilian Standforth and the Case of the Dangerous Dare
  • The Dante 3
  • Me Stuff
  • Man Behind the Curtain
  • April 9, 2012

    A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Vasectomy

    This was my end of the bargain.

    My wife would have our two lovely children and when she was done I would go to the guillotine, as it were. I would be Sydney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities, with both hands tied behind my back being led to my destiny while reciting, “It is a far, far better thing I do…”

    That sounds strangely noble in theory, but in actuality, I must admit, with the birth of our second child I had been avoiding this doctor trip like the plague. I had postponed the visit two different times (scheduling then rescheduling… twice), but after a year, I was running out of excuses for myself.

    On the day of the appointment, I was freaking out. I tried to explain this to my wife, but, as sympathetic as she tried to be, she didn’t get it. And comparing it to what she had to experience in the birthing of our children, didn’t help. Yes, I am sure birth is a bigger life changing, panic-driven, and painful experience. But for a guy, this is something. Yes, it means something, and it’s not something that can be easily explained, it’s in the gut, it’s in the animal part of the brain. It is part of what defines us as male. Hear us roar!

    I ended up making a quick excuse to run an errand, and then in a parking lot called one of my oldest friends to talk me down. I was the guy on the edge of the building preparing to jump, he was the understanding cop with the bullhorn explaining to me that I still will have a lot to live for.

    I was going to be fine… I was going to be fine… I stepped away from the ledge. (more…)

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  • April 4, 2012

    Nine Thoughts On Turning One

    Today, my daughter turns one.

    It may seem selfish, but my kids’ birthdays always become a moment of reflection for me. They are milestones and milestones usually have that impact on a person, no matter if they want it or not. Yet, as first years go, this one seemed to speed past, leaving a soul wondering where all of the time went and why it had to go by so fast.  Here are nine of my initial thoughts on her birthday and the last year…

    1. I have heard that many say when your babies age, it makes a parent feel older. That has yet to be the case for me. Maybe I have a touch of the Peter Pan/young at heart thing going you see in the movies, but having kids has made me reclaim bits and pieces of my own youth. I wear brightly colored shoes now, I know all about superheroes, and I can read Fox in Socks incredibly fast. To be honest, I like being this guy, I like being a dad. In a way, it is a gift my kids gave to me… If that doesn’t sound too Hallmarky. (more…)

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  • April 2, 2012

    Fighting the Power Rangers… and Losing

    I am an entertainment parental snob. Which means, I am NOT about to just put anything on the TV to entertain my child like some parents do.

    Yes, other parents I am silently judging you right now… OK, maybe not silently.

    Oh, yes, there is a bar for me and children television, and I expect a show or movie to reach it; because, frankly, I want my kids to enter the world of the arts (books, movies, music, etc.) with an idea of what is aesthetically good and enriching, what is bad, and what is just generic noise. And, hopefully, in other words, I will have 12-year old kids someday who will consider books like Harry Potter over books like Twilight.

    So even before my first child was born I had a list in my mind of starting points of what I was going to do my utmost to avoid; a partial list would include:

    • Barney
    • The Wiggles, or any facsimile of it
    • Anything related to princess and fairies
    • All Dreamworks animation films (especially any film related to that horrendous green creation named Shrek)
    • Power Rangers (more…)

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  • March 26, 2012

    For the Love of a Dog

    This weekend, my daughter, who is about to turn one, said clearly her first word. It even came with a point of the finger for emphasis. “Dog.”

    Dog…

    I wouldn’t be so bitter about it, if it wasn’t for the fact that this is the second of my children to give this honor to our dog. Bronte (Yes, I am a writer with a dog named Bronte) is a border collie mix and does not have what I would consider the Hollywood-dog relationship with my kids. She is not running alongside them as they play throughout the day, with a waiting tennis ball in the mouth.

    No, she is a herder and my children are her sheep. And Bronte’s day is spent laying in some corner of the room, watching the kids play out of the corner of her eye, ready to bark at any questionable passerby outside (or as she probably sees them- wolves). (more…)

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  • March 9, 2012

    UPDATE

    UPDATE: I have recently purchased for my daughter their newest addition, Jane Eyre and I have to say I am pretty disappointed. While it is cool to say my baby is reading Jane Eyre, the choices that Adams made for counting are pretty weak (Seriously, she counts trees… Trees!); almost making me wonder if she bothered to reread Jane Eyre before writing it, as compared to simply watching it on TV. So my overall review of this series of books is if you (or one of your expecting friends) is the literary/reading type they are fun to buy, but don’t expect more than the illusion that your baby/toddler has a mini-classic library.

    Scott D. Southard's avatarThe Stories of Scott D. Southard

    I have a new review up on GreenSpotBlue.com. It is a children’s book review of BabyLit Books by Jennifer Adams. If you are a reader (or know some readers) with young kids (or expecting some) I recommend you check out my review.  Here is the beginning:

    –

    This doesn’t happen often to me…

    When I found these books I immediately had to have them for my daughter for Christmas. Yes, my daughter was only 8-months old at the time so I was being a little too ridiculous in my excitement as I frantically visited book Web site after book Web site trying to find a local store that had copies on their shelves. The idea of these books inspired me to that great an extent that when I finally found copies and had them held it at the front desk, I breathed a sigh of relief.

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  • March 6, 2012

    My Coke (Zero) Addiction

    Ah, sweet nectar of the Gods!

    What was life like before Coke Zero, and dare I even try to remember?

    With two kids, early mornings, and a life that always feels like it is running and then suddenly asleep, Coke Zero has replaced the blood in my veins and my heartbeat now beats to the tempo of “I would like to teach the world to sing…”

    This is my life force.

    It wasn’t always like this. No, for a time I was off soda.  Four months of semi-consciousness, bumping into walls, speaking incomplete sentences, losing words, forgetting to—I don’t know—wear socks. But thanks to my baby daughter’s teething, I was brought back into the fold and I am once again collecting My Coke Reward points like nobody’s business. Subscription to Entertainment Weekly? Nah, I’m hoping to earn enough points to take over their editorial staff (I have a strong opinion regarding their obsession around Twilight, reality shows, and Glee). (more…)

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  • March 5, 2012

    Introducing Your Child to Jazz

    Recently, I’ve been listening to jazz a lot with my children. What can I say? It is like comfort food for me. I play it in the morning, around dinner time; it’s a Scott thing. Anyway, it got me thinking of an article I wrote a while back for Green Spot Blue (a literary parenting online magazine) about jazz and parenting.

    In it, I recommend some records for the young listener and give some parental suggestions on how to listen to the music with the younglings.

    Here is the beginning of the article:

    As parents we all want the best for our kids, and our plans are filled with the best intentions.  Many times this relates to music and our desire for our kids to know more than just what is on the pop stations. Some parents may try to listen to classical more, but for me I have always chosen jazz. Jazz, above all other music genres, seems to me to sing of creativity, the thrill of thinking outside the box. Songs are filled with experimentations, expressions. You feel love more, you feel pain more. There is a story there that surpasses any you may hear in the lyrics of a country song.

    The problem is that many times when we parents sit back and look at our own musical choices, we can’t help but feel guilty. Usually it is the same artists, the same albums; we return to the comfort of what we like the most, not realizing that our child is hearing the same thing again… and again… and again….

    Well, for the parent that wants to introduce their child to America’s great original artform, might I recommend 7 classical jazz albums to share with the family. Consider this an opportunity to lose The Wiggles, this is an introduction to jazz.

    I go on in the article to recommend work by Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Louis Armstrong, Charles Mingus, and others. You can check out the article here.

    I still stand by my anti-Wiggles statement.

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  • February 2, 2012

    The Fears of a Four-Year Old Superhero

    My four-year old son has four superhero capes, he is very careful to choose the right one to wear on a given day.

    He has two different superhero identities. They are Super Greyson and The Grey Lightning.  Super Greyson can fly, The Grey Lightning can run fast; both fight bad guys and monsters.

    And yet, for all of these capabilities, my son (like any normal four-year old) has fears. So far there has not been a concern about monsters in the closet; we’ve been avoiding Monsters, Inc. for that reason (While I love the film, Pixar you open a possibility of a can of worms with that one!), but there are others that have crept up to surprise both his mother and myself.

    Bad Guys

    You think a superhero would be okay with bad guys, but his fear of them seems to have really grown in the last few months. (more…)

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  • January 26, 2012

    My Time With Mites

    So yesterday at about 11:02 AM I learned my son was infested with mites. Scabies, actually. He probably got it from another child at his daycare. All it takes to spread is a touch, maybe he was playing with a friend and his hand touched their arm, or maybe he touched someone’s coat and it was infected. Or it was a  bath mat, or a towel. He could have been drying his hands after washing them like a very good boy and then…

    Whatever the case he got it at that moment from another kid, so why do I feel so dirty?

    I know I am not to blame for this. And yet, my initial reaction, like a lot of people’s is to feel like they are somehow to blame for their child’s suffering by a mite. My immediate reaction was to wonder if we vacuum the house enough, did we dust enough? And then my mind raced to my 9-month old daughter, was she even safe with us? Was I a lousy parent?

    Deep breath, no I am not to blame for this. This burden was not on my head, but the recovery was. It was fully on my wife and my shoulders and I felt it. (more…)

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  • January 19, 2012

    One of My Favorite Finds of Last Year: BabyLit Books by Jennifer Adams

    I have a new review up on GreenSpotBlue.com. It is a children’s book review of BabyLit Books by Jennifer Adams. If you are a reader (or know some readers) with young kids (or expecting some) I recommend you check out my review.  Here is the beginning:

    –

    This doesn’t happen often to me…

    When I found these books I immediately had to have them for my daughter for Christmas. Yes, my daughter was only 8-months old at the time so I was being a little too ridiculous in my excitement as I frantically visited book Web site after book Web site trying to find a local store that had copies on their shelves. The idea of these books inspired me to that great an extent that when I finally found copies and had them held it at the front desk, I breathed a sigh of relief. (more…)

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