Episode Nine: Time Out Of Mind

Episode 9 of

Time Out Of Mind,

The Sequel to

The Dante Experience

“Two Roberts for the Price of One”

OPENING CREDITS

Scene 1

SOUND: Of Heaven.

REPAIR ANGEL: Best out of three?

KELLII: Ok. You move first.

MICHAEL: Can you two stop playing that game! This is the throne room and I am doing important things. The big guy doesn’t want to see you playing a board game.

KELLII: I don’t hear him complaining.

REPAIR ANGEL: Actually, I haven’t heard him at all since I’ve been here.

MICHAEL: Can you two please stop judging the maker.

KELLII: Is he even awake?… Hello? Anyone there?

MICHAEL: Kellii! Stop poking him… I’m sorry about that sir. I have your attention now, good. Well, I have some good news. I mean good news as compared to the world being destroyed. I’ve been able to locate the group of our heroes. It seems that Dante, Angel Jenkins, Sir Lancelot, Robert, Susan, Will and Steve are on a tropical nude beach.  Sometime about a year from the present… The only problem is I have yet to see up a communication link. I can’t transfer them to wherever the binkies are without it.

REPAIR ANGEL: Stop complaining! Once you figure out where the binkies are, I’ll fix your precious communication link.

KELLII: Don’t mind him, he is always like that.

MICHAEL: Can you two please vamoose!..  Anyway, your vastness, I have the screen set up so we can see what they are up too.

REPAIR ANGEL: Cool nudity.

MICHAEL: We are not here to be voyeuristic!

KELLII: (Giggling)

MICHAEL: Stop laughing like that Kellii. We are trying to save humanity here!

REPAIR ANGEL: Turn the camera over there.

MICHAEL: Stop touching the keyboard!

KELLII: (Giggling again)

MICHAEL: Please, you two. I have an important job here. This is not a hangout spot. This is the throne room and… Ok, there they are. There is Susan working on the time traveling device. And there is Steve, Jenkins, Dante and Will building sand castles….And there is Lancelot, he seems to be looking at Susan lovingly from a distance… Wait he is walking towards her. Is this the time he finally opens up his true feelings to her? Ohhh…. Let’s listen in.

REPAIR ANGEL: And you said we couldn’t be voyeuristic?

MICHAEL: Shhh…

Scene 2

SOUND: Of Beach.

LANCELOT: Susan?

SUSAN: Damn… Not now, Lancelot, I can’t get this thing to work.

LANCELOT: There is something I wish to speak to you about, Fair Susan.

SUSAN: Well, I’m kind of busy. If I don’t get this fixed mankind may be doomed.

LANCELOT: But if I don’t talk to you, my heart may be doomed as well.

SUSAN: What?

LANCELOT: Ah…

SUSAN: I’ m listening now.

LANCELOT: Nice weather, isn’t it?

SUSAN: It could never work.

LANCELOT: What? What do you mean?

SUSAN: I know your history. You run off with Guinevere.

LANCELOT: I know that’s what the history books say.

SUSAN: And frankly, I don’t think I could have a relationship with someone that would break up a marriage.

LANCELOT: But I haven’t done it yet?

SUSAN: But you will.

LANCELOT: This is unfair.

SUSAN: Well, I’m sorry, it’s history.

LANCELOT: But we fought side by side against the binkies.

SUSAN: More like, you stayed in the back the first time and on the second time, ran away.

LANCELOT: That was really unfair.

SUSAN: (Sighs) Listen, Sir Lancelot, you seem like a really nice guy. And I think your armor is super, but I’m busy trying to save the world. I don’t have time to worry about a relationship. And once the world is saved you’ll go back to the past and I’ll go back to the future and hopefully, the world will go back to normal… Gosh, knows time has been screwed up enough by us.

LANCELOT: I don’t understand.

SUSAN: Seriously, I don’t either. What was Glen Miller’s big band doing in revolutionary France?

LANCELOT: Susan, can we get back to us?

SUSAN: And a few minutes ago I saw Hannibal leading an army of elephants over that hill.

SOUND: Of a group of elephants attacking people at a beach.

SUSAN: You see! Everything is nuts.

LANCELOT: Susan.

SUSAN: Really, none of this makes sense.

LANCELOT: Susan.

SUSAN: I’m sorry, Sir Lancelot.

LANCELOT: Ok… Well, I’ll be over there by the others if you need me.

SUSAN: Righto… Just nuts.

Scene 3

SOUND: Of Heaven.

MICHAEL: Wow… First she turns down Julius Caesar and Alexander the Great and now Sir Lancelot.

REPAIR ANGEL: Man, you really love this stuff, don’t you?

KELLII: Let’s get back to the game.

MICHAEL: Now your cosmicness, I don’t see Robert… Weird. I wonder where he is.  I just hope nothing bad has happened like a temporal disturbance or something that could screw up history… The mind boggles on what he could have found.

Scene 4

SOUND: Of beach in background.

BOTH ROBERTS: Oh, great.

LATER ROBERT: God, not this.

ROBERT: What?

LATER ROBERT: I remember this. God, this is just what I need!

ROBERT: What is going on?

LATER ROBERT: See, I sound like an idiot.

ROBERT: Don’t call me an idiot.

LATER ROBERT: Idiot? Now you are going to ask me the question that proves idiotdom.

ROBERT: Who are you?

LATER ROBERT: See!

ROBERT: You’re me.

LATER ROBERT: God, I can’t believe I was you.

ROBERT: Oh, like you are so great.

LATER ROBERT: I’m not better than you, far from it. My problems are worse than your’s.

ROBERT: How could that be possible?

LATER ROBERT: Do I sound like that to everyone? No wonder Alison left me then.

ROBERT: What?

LATER ROBERT: And here I go blaming someone other than me.

ROBERT: What? What?

LATER ROBERT: Listen for a second Robby boy, the problem is you and I am telling you that.

ROBERT: This has to be a dream.

LATER ROBERT: Deny it all you want.

ROBERT: Ok, then if that is the case what should I do different. Huh, genius?

LATER ROBERT: Enjoy life more.

ROBERT: What?

LATER ROBERT: I’m serious.

ROBERT: We’ve been traveling through time, hunting dangerous blinkies that want to kill us and all mankind and my girlfriend just ran away to join the other side.

LATER ROBERT: (Starts laughing)

ROBERT: You’re laughing?

LATER ROBERT: Yeah, I’m laughing. You just reminded me of what I once was like… And what I am strangely becoming like again.

ROBERT: Oh, don’t you dare get all mature on me.

LATER ROBERT: It’s not mature, far from it. I’m still the spaz.

ROBERT: (Spazzing) I am not a spaz!… .Sorry.

LATER ROBERT: And my problem is much worse than your’s.

ROBERT: How could your problem be worse than mine? I spent six months saving up for that ring and I didn’t even get a chance to ask.

LATER ROBERT: I’m dead.

ROBERT: What!?

LATER ROBERT: Yeah, I’m dead. I was killed just a minute ago. Over there actually.

ROBERT: How? What?

LATER ROBERT: Right now I am waiting for Death to come and get me.

ROBERT: You can’t be dead.

LATER ROBERT: Yeah, it’s a drag.

ROBERT: But you look so young… You just must look good for your age. Please say you are old.

LATER ROBERT: I’m 24.

ROBERT: I’m 23!

LATER ROBERT: See, it’s a drag… Oh, here comes the big guy! Hey Death.

SOUND: Later Death walking up.

LATER DEATH: Hey Robert, are you ready to… What is going on here?

LATER ROBERT: This is my past self.

ROBERT:  I can’t die that soon.

LATER DEATH: Wait a minute-Why am I getting a case of Déjà vu?

SOUND: Death walking up from other direction.

DEATH: (Walking up) Hey Robert, you left your ring back at the…

PAUSE

BOTH DEATHS: Oh, great.

DEATH: Ah… You’re looking good.

LATER DEATH: You too.

DEATH: Man this is awkward.

LATER DEATH: Hey, it was awkward for me twice.

DEATH: Yeah, I hear ya…. So that diet never kicked in eh?

LATER DEATH: What does that mean?

DEATH I still see the love handles.

LATER DEATH: Don’t blame me. You’re lazy.

DEATH: What does that mean?

ROBERT: Do you two mind?

BOTH DEATHS: What?

ROBERT: I’m dead.

LATER ROBERT: No, I’m dead.

ROBERT: Yes, but…

LATER ROBERT: Listen Robert.

ROBERT: This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.

LATER ROBERT: I can give you some advice.

LATER DEATH: We should be going.

LATER ROBERT: Just a second.

ROBERT: I can’t die.

LATER ROBERT: Enjoy life. Laugh, have fun.

ROBERT: But what about Alison?

LATER ROBERT: You know, Robert, you just got to propose. Then she will understand everything you were doing… But then you will still die and… Hmmm…

ROBERT: So I do is propose?

LATER ROBERT: Just a second, if you don’t propose, maybe this won’t happen.

ROBERT: Yeah, I can just propose and everything will be ok.

LATER ROBERT: No, that’s not right at all. Now that I figure it, this is all her fault.

ROBERT: Thanks for the great advice. I love her.

LATER ROBERT: I hate her, this is all her fault.

ROBERT: I’ll just find her and propose.

LATER ROBERT: Don’t I ever listen to people?

ROBERT: I’ve got to go.

LATER ROBERT: I hope I never see her again! My death is all her fault.

DEATH: You should go. Before this gets more confusing.

LATER DEATH: Yeah, you’re right. Come on, Robert.

SOUND: Walking away.

ROBERT: Wait, what is here? Where are we?

LATER ROBERT: (Walking away) This is your damn honeymoon! Goodbye, idiot.

LATER DEATH: (Walking away) Well, that was awkward.

LATER ROBERT: (Walking away) You telling me? Man, that is a bad haircut on me.

LATER DEATH: (Walking away) And what was I thinking with this speedos?

PAUSE.

DEATH: Robert?… Robert?

ROBERT: Yeah… My older Robert has really opened my eyes. I’m going to propose.

DEATH: I don’t think that was the advice he was actually giving there at the end.

ROBERT: I’ll propose and we’ll be ok. I’ll die in a year, but, what a year!

DEATH: (Sigh) Whatever. I came to give you your ring. You left it behind.

ROBERT: Thanks… It’s not mine though.

DEATH: But I saw you drop it back there and…

ROBERT: I was speaking figuratively.

DEATH: Oh… Why?

ROBERT: What?

DEATH: I mean, I was the only one to hear it, why go to the trouble.

ROBERT: I didn’t think of it as trouble.

DEATH: Yeah, but it just seemed out of place.

ROBERT: Can we just go back to the group!?

DEATH: Ok, fine…. You like my speedos, right?

Scene 3

SOUND: Of Heaven.

MICHAEL: Your religiousness, I see Robert. He seems to be walking back to the group and… Just a second. Can you get over here and fix that communication link?

REPAIR ANGEL: I said, just a second.

MICHAEL: But I found them and you promised to fix it when I found them. I don’t understand the hold-up.

REPAIR ANGEL: I’m playing a game here. It’ll be a second.

MICHAEL: Argh… Anyway, it looks like the group is building sandcastles… Except for Susan who is still working on the time travel device.

Scene 4

SOUND: Of Beach

WILL:  Come on, Sir Lancelot! Make a decision!

LANCELOT: I can’t decide. They are all such nice looking sand castles.

DANTE: Not mine. My sand castle is sad. I can’t get it to stand. The sand does not like me.

STEVE: Please, I clearly have the best sand castle here.

JENKINS That’s not a castle those are two…

WILL:  (Interrupting) Come on choose! I spent hours on mine!

STEVE: I based them on an old girlfriend.

JENKINS They are very nice. (Sigh)

STEVE: What?

JENKINS It’s been a long time, I guess, that’s all.

STEVE: Long time since what?

JENKINS Since, I’ve seen…

LANCELOT: (Interrupting) Give me one more second.

STEVE: Oh, did you date her too?

LANCELOT: I’m ready to make my decision. First off, Honorable Mention goes to Dante.

DANTE: See, I am so sad. Sad little Dante, am I.

LANCELOT: Third place for Steve.

STEVE: Third place? My God, man! That’s an outrage! Have you any idea how great these are?

LANCELOT: The mission was to build a sand castle.

STEVE: This is fixed.

WILL: You should be fixed, Steve.

STEVE: I hate this competition!

SOUND: Kicking sand, angrily.

DANTE: My castle!

LANCELOT: Please stop kicking sand at me! I have killed for less than that.

WILL: You are always threatening people. You know you should really work on that.

DANTE: No one shows respect for the sandcastle of Dante the poet.

STEVE: I’m going back to the nude women…. (Stops, confused) What was I doing over here?

SOUND: Steve walking away.

LANCELOT: Second place is for Jenkins.

JENKINS I’m happy.

LANCELOT: First place then goes to Will.

WILL:  Woohoo! Do a little dance. This is the victory dance of Will.

DANTE: No victory dance for Dante.

WILL: Look at me move!

SOUND: Robert and Death running up and stopping.

ROBERT: Guys! We gotta go!

WILL:  Argh! You wrecked my castle, Robert!

ROBERT We got to leave now!

LANCELOT: First prize now goes to Jenkins!

WILL: What?! This is an outrage.

SOUND: Steve running back up.

STEVE: What? What did I miss?

WILL: I lost first place. This is fixed.

STEVE That is what I was saying?

DANTE: And still nothing for Dante’s sad little caste… Sad little castle of Dante.

DEATH What is going on here?

WILL:  That blue ribbon should have been mine!

LANCELOT: What blue ribbon?

JENKINS Try and take it from me!

LANCELOT: What are you two talking about? You get nothing.

WILL:  Oh, don’t think I won’t try.

DEATH: What is going on here?

STEVE: We have been having a sandcastle competition.

ROBERT: Listen, guys! We’ve got to leave now!… I have to see…Why does Steve’s sand sculpture look familiar?

PAUSE

STEVE: (Awkward) No reason.

ROBERT: They look just like…

STEVE: What were you saying about leaving Robert?

ROBERT: oh, yeah, we’ve got to go. I just bumped into my future self and he said… No, seriously, why does that look familiar.

STEVE: You bumped into your future self?

DEATH:  I did too. It was a lot of fun.

WILL:  Really?

DEATH: No.

WILL:  Then why did you lie?

ROBERT: Where is Susan?

DANTE: She is trying to fix the time travel device over there?

ROBERT: We’ve got to go. I don’t have much time.

STEVE: What do you mean?

ROBERT: I’ve got to see Alison and…. Wait a minute! Steve!

STEVE: What?

ROBERT: Those are Alison’s!

STEVE: Are they?

ROBERT: Yes they are.

STEVE: No they are someone else’s.

ROBERT: You even got her skin blemishes.

STEVE: Coincidence.

ROBERT: And her tattoo.

WILL:  Whoa! Those are Alison’s? (giggling)

STEVE: Will! Stop touching Alison’s breasts!

ROBERT: Ah ha!

STEVE: I mean, my sand castle.

SOUND: of Susan walking forward

SUSAN: What is going on here?

WILL:  Why does Alison’s tattoo read “Henry?”

ROBERT: Susan, we’ve got to go find Alison.

WILL:  Who is Henry?

SUSAN: We can’t leave. I can’t figure out how to fix the time travel device..

DANTE: And no one notices the sand castle of Dante… All alone, sand castle, all alone.

WILL:  So we are stuck here? On a tropical paradise with a nude beach right around the corner?

SUSAN: Afraid so.

PAUSE

WILL:  Whoopee!

SUSAN: Do you mind not dancing Will?

WILL: Nude beach dance for Will.

DANTE: We still have a chance.

SUSAN: What?

DANTE: It all comes down to Michael though?

ALL: oh…

DANTE: And he would have to find us.

ALL: Oh…

SUSAN: Well, it’ s a nice island.

SOUND: Lancelot getting up from beach.

LANCELOT: Excuse me.

DANTE: Ahhh!

LANCELOT: Could you contact Michael on that mystical object?

DANTE: My castle is no more! Goodbye Castle of Dante, goodbye.

JENKINS: No, Michael would have to find us first and get it started on his end and then this magical object, as you call it, will work.

WILL: We’re doomed to suntans, nude beaches and frolicking all our lives! How will we stand it?

SUSAN: Shut up, Will. I’m sure we’ll find a way to get around this.

ROBERT: But we have to rely on Michael to save us… We are all in a big pile of…

Scene 5

SOUND: of heaven interrupts.

MICHAEL: Sorry to interrupt the transmission, your super beingingness, but I have a lock on where Alison and the three binkies are. And I thought I would tell you before I contact them. They are at Gettysbury, Pennsylvania… Well, at the battle of Gettysbury, yes from the American Civil War. The computer found them thanks to letters from the soldiers that day. These letters paint a clear picture of that day. Here let me show you.

SOUND: Music like from Ken Burn’s documentary. Very peaceful throughout each letter to contrast.

SOLDIER: Dear Momma, How are things back at the farm. I hope my sisters and the hogs aren’t giving you too much grief. Today General Lee said we are going to win. I hope he is right. It’ s hard to feel positive when your friends are dying around you and you are being ATTACKED BY BLINKIES! Oh my God! GOTTA GO! AHHHHHH!!!!

SOUND: Music stops.

MICHAEL: No really, he wrote the “Ahhhhh!” Makes you wonder why he sent it. Actually many of the letters are like that. Here is another.

SOUND: Music again from a documentary.

SOLDIER2: I believe our cause is true and if our cause is true we can’t… OH DEAR GOD! WHERE THE HELL DID THEY COME FROM? WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!! MOMMY!!

SOUND: Music stops.

MICHAEL: And here is one more.

SOUND: Documentary music again. Peaceful.

SOLDIER3: (Takes deep breath and then) FIRE HOT! BURN! OW!  OW! RUN! OW! BLINKIES BAD! NO! AH! MOMMY!

MICHAEL: Here let me show you what is going on right now on the battle field… I’ll just use this boardgame of Stratego to illustrate my point.

REPAIR ANGEL: Hey we were playing with that.

KELLII: I was winning.

MICHAEL: I told you two to leave. Why are you still here?…

REPAIR ANGEL: First you want my help and then you want me to leave! Make up your mind.

MICHAEL: (Coughs) Ok, now your bigness, if the north are the red and the south is the blue pieces… No, wait the north should be the blue pieces and the south should be the red pieces because then… Anyway so you have a blinkie HERE.

SOUND: Something slamming into gameboard and pieces flying!

KELLII: Hey, those are my pieces!

MICHAEL: And another blinkie Here!

SOUND: Same as before.

MICHAEL: And another here!

SOUND: Same as before.

REPAIR ANGEL: Well, there goes that game.

MICHAEL: And here is Alison. So as you can see the soldiers from that time period have no chance. The blinkies are going to get the flag no matter once… Of course, this really doesn’t make any sense. If you remember from the discussion at Alison’s parents house, the binkies and Alison were planning to go to the future to make sure the dragons were still created. So why did they end up at Gettysburg?… Well, its anyone’s guess.

KELLII: What do you want to do now?

REPAIR ANGEL: Do you want to look at some of my collectables? I have dozens of Star Trek collectables.

KELLII: (Not really very excited) Yeah, ok.

SOUND: Computer beeps.

MICHAEL: Ok, I have a notice coming from… Oh no, Angel Ted… (To himself) Ok, Michael just get through it. You’ve known Angel Ted for years

KELLII: I’ll go hide.

MICHAEL: Good… I mean, why are you still here?

REPAIR ANGEL: Let’s go to my van and I can show you the toys, I mean collectables.

KELLII: (Not excited) Yeah.

MICHAEL: Ok, they are gone.  (Quietly to himself). Play innocent. Be cool. Breathe in and out. (Louder) Angel Ted, are you there?

Scene 6

SOUND: Of Civil War battlefield and the occasion blinkies attack.

TED: No, I think you guys look great. You are really doing a great job. Everyone is terrified.

SMAUG: Great. It hasn’t been easy.

MICHAEL: Ted?

TED: (Back to reporter) Hello, the soon-to-be-fired Angel Michael.

MICHAEL: Ted, I can explain.

TED: Not likely, so let me finish. I have once again with me Smaug, the dark lord of the blinkies.

SMAUG: Hello.

TED: And with him is his new partner, Alison Peters from Minnesota.

ALISON: Hi.

TED: Smaug, Alison, I have been watching your attacks for the last two hours and I have to say I’ve been very impressed. Your total lack of sympathy for your victims is incredible. How do you do it?

SMAUG AND ALISON: Well. (They both start laughing).

SMAUG: We both talked at the same time.

ALISON: Yeah, I know.

SMAUG: And that illustrates right there why we work so well together. It’s a team effort of like minds.

TED: But why the Civil War?

ALISON: I can answer that.

TED: Ok.

ALISON: I have a midterm on the Civil War next week and I didn’t study. My dad reminded me of it when I was home.

TED: Ok… I guess that makes a little sense.

ALISON: And after we are done here, we are going to go to the future to where they made the first blinky. And soon after the creation, kill everyone around.

SMAUG: Oh,  that is a great idea!

ALISON: Thanks.

TED: You do seem like a great team.

BOTH: Thanks.

TED: Now Alison, can I ask you a question.

ALISON: Sure.

TED: It’s about Robert. What do you feel towards him?

ALISON: Robert… Oh… Well, we’ve dated for a long time. I care a great deal for him, but he can frustrate me from time to time… He is probably the big reason I went evil. Yes, the main reason, I’d say. I wouldn’t be set on world destruction if it wasn’t for him.

TED: Smaug?

SMAUG: Yes.

TED: What are your plans after you kill humanity?

SMAUG: Well, we haven’t talked about that, but I think it would be cool to conquer all of the afterlife as well. I got this power hungry thing going, you see and I will never be happy until I have everything.

TED: Understandable. Well, Michael everything here is moving on schedule for the evil team of Alison and the three blinkies… And that, Michael, completes my assignment.

MICHAEL: Well, I guess you are right… Why are you looking at me like that?

TED: We have a little matter to discuss regarding my daughter.

MICHAEL: Listen, that can be explained…

TED: And all these assignments and being ordered around and…

MICHAEL: (Fake laughing) Oh, Ted, you are joking.

TED: I’m coming for you, Michael.

MICHAEL: What?! Me?

TED: Yes, you.

MICHAEL: Me? Are you sure?

TED: Yes, I am coming for you, Angel Michael. But first I am going to the High Angel committee and have a few words with them.

MICHAEL: (Awkward) Ok, well, tell them I said hi.

TED: And after I get you fired, I’m going to call you out and…

MICHAEL: Gotta run, Angel Ted. Thanks for the update.

TED: Michael…

SOUND: Click.

Scene 7

SOUND: of Heaven.

KELLII: Is he gone?

MICHAEL: Why are you still here? (Coughs) Well, as you can see, big guy, the blinkies are destroying history and our heroes are still trapped on the tropical island. And as soon as I can get my communication link fixed…

REPAIR ANGEL: I said I’d get to it!

MICHAEL: …I’ll zap them right to the battle. God knows, Ted isn’t going to help the situation there… Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to… But it doesn’t answer the question on how the group will be able to stop the blinkies and deal with the Civil War. And what is going on with Alison and Robert And where is Mephistopheles the devil in all this?…

KELLII: Another game?

REPAIR ANGEL: Ok.

MICHAEL: No, no! You are supposed to be fixing my computer.

REPAIR ANGEL: Really, you have to relax.

KELLII Yeah chill.

MICHAEL: I hate you both.

KELLII: Whatever (To Repair Angel) Good collection, by the way.

REPAIR ANGEL: Thanks.

MICHAEL: Why aren’t you two leaving?

END CREDITS

Closer

SOUND: of the battle of Gettysburg and blinkies are attacking the troupes. Alison is being taught how to do an evil laugh.

SMAUG: No more from the diaphragm.

ALISON: Like this… Bwahahahaha!

SMAUG: Close but think of the evil while you are doing it. Then you will get that flicker in your eye that makes grown men cry.

ALISON: Like this? Bwahahahahaha!

SMAUG: Now put your hands on your hip and throw your head back defiantly as you do it.

ALISON BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

SMAUG: Great!

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