Episode 7 of

Time Out Of Mind,

The Sequel to

The Dante Experience

“In the Garden of Eden”

OPENING CREDITS

Scene 1

SOUND: Of Heaven.

MICHAEL: The trick is not to panic.

REPAIR ANGEL: You’ve been saying that for twenty minutes.

MICHAEL: Just remember that, your great glorious one. Remember that. Here you might need this brown paper bag. I find breathing into it can be soothing. Are you ready? The three remaining dragons have arrived in the Garden of Eden and they have found Adam and Eve.

REPAIR ANGEL: This is exciting stuff!

MICHAEL: My computer is fixed, you can leave! Anyway, poor Adam, he really has no idea what is going on. He has no idea that the dragons have traveled back in time just to destroy all of humanity. And that means, simply Adam and Eve. Here let me bring up the visual. Dante, Angel Jenkins and the body of General Joseph have left over 10 minutes ago. They should be there soon… And Susan , Robert, Alison, Will, Steve and Sir Lancelot should be there any minute… Oh, please let someone get there soon.

Scene 2

SOUND: Time tunnel and Smaug screaming and getting out.

SMAUG: The beginning of man! The devil with the talking head was right! Here we’ll have our greatest victory. Mankind will be destroyed!

FOURTH AND FIFTH DRAGON: Three cheers for Smaug!

SMAUG: You guys are the greatest.

ADAM: (way too innocent sounding) Why look a new kind of animal.

SMAUG: It is Adam. Prepare your flames!

SOUND: preparing to breath fire.

ADAM: Let see, it is large and scaly. It’s ugly. It breathes fire.

EVE: Looks a little dangerous too Adam.

SMAUG: I will destroy you man.

EVE: Sounds a little dangerous too.

ADAM: Then it needs a name to match that power. I’ll call your race Binkies.

SOUND: Of preparing to breathe fire stops suddenly.

PAUSE

SMAUG: Binkies?

ADAM: And so it was.

SOUND: Of harp.

SMAUG: What?

ADAM: Welcome Binky. You three are the first of your kind.

SMAUG: What is going on here?

EVE: He named your species.

SMAUG: But we are dragons.

ADAM: Oh, that’s a good name! Can I use it?

SMAUG: Use it for what?

ADAM: See that creature over there? I’ve been looking for a new name for it for quite some time and dragon sounds perfect.

SMAUG: You can’t…

ADAM: (interrupting) You are now called Dragons.

SOUND: Of harp.

SMAUG: But it’s an antelope!

ADAM: Oh, that’s a good name too. You are really good at this. What should I name an antelope… hmmm… Oh, I’ll name that an antelope!

SMAUG: You can’t that’s a…

ADAM: (Interrupting) You are now an antelope.

SOUND: Of a harp.

SMAUG: That’s a warthog!

ADAM: Another good name!

SMAUG: That’s it! Enough with this boring chitchat!

ADAM: You thought this was boring!

SMAUG: What?

ADAM: Listen, you binky! I have a very important job here. I have to name all these species and….

EVE: There he goes talking about his great job again.

ADAM: Don’t you start! And so if you have a problem with me, I’ll rename your species and trust me you won’t like it.

SMAUG: You can think of a worse name than Binkies?

FIFTH DRAGON: Can we destroy them now, Smaug?

EVE: Destroy, that’s a new word for me Adam.

ADAM: Hmmm, I have a bad feeling deep in my stomach.

SMAUG: Soon all mankind will be destroyed.

ADAM: Fear! That’s what I’m feeling it is fear.

EVE: What?

ADAM: Run! Eve, for the love of God, run! The Binkies have gone insane!

SMAUG: Destroy! Destroy!

SOUND: Of flames and Adam and Eve running away, screaming.

SMAUG: (Laughing evilly)

FOURTH DRAGON: Wait!

SMAUG: What is it?

FOURTH DRAGON: Sir Smaug, The time machine says the other party will be here shortly.

SMAUG: Let’s hide and destroy them as well. We’ll find Adam and Eve later.

FIFTH DRAGON: You know this is rather exciting.

FOURTH DRAGON: Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

SMAUG: Shut up you two.

Scene 3

SOUND: Of Heaven.

KELLII: Did I leave my earring in here?

MICHAEL: Angel Kellii! Oh no! You can’t be here.

REPAIR ANGEL: It’s the angel!

MICHAEL: Shhh, quiet.

KELLII: Uh, hi.

REPAIR ANGEL: It’s an honor to meet you.

MICHAEL: Stop it.

KELLII: Thanks I guess.

REPAIR ANGEL: You are incredibly flexible.

KELLII: Thanks again, I guess. Michael, what is going on?

MICHAEL: Nothing, Kellii, please leave before your father sees you here.

KELLII: Oh, wait! What is happening on that screen?

MICHAEL: Nothing.

KELLII: That hardly looks like nothing. It looks like a time vortex opening in the Garden of Eden and a group of mortals jumping out.

Scene 4

SOUND: Of Time Machine and time tunnel… Group screaming and landing.

LANCELOT: The Garden of Eden.

SUSAN: We’ve made it. Good thing we checked the time device before throwing that victory party.

STEVE: You’ve really got to loosen up, Susan.

SUSAN: We can’t throw a party every time we kill a binky.

STEVE: See, stiff.

WILL: (Scared) Ah! There are freaking animals freaking everywhere!

ROBERT: You aren’t scared of binkies, but you are scared of normal animals?

ALISON: What a beautiful place.

SUSAN: No, time for sightseeing now Alison. The remaining three binkies could be anywhere. We have to find Adam and Eve and protect them from the binkies.

SOUND: Eve singing in background (Beautiful).

STEVE: Do you hear that?

LANCELOT: What?

STEVE: The singing, it’s beautiful.

SUSAN: Steve, I need your concentration here. This is a dangerous mission and the three remaining binkies could be anywhere. And we all need to stick together or humanity is done for and… Steve?… Steve?… Ok, where did he go?

WILL: (Screams!)

LANCELOT: What is wrong with the little man?

ROBERT: Will, what is wrong?

WILL: (Scared) Over there. Over there.

ALISON: You mean the lion?

WILL: (Screams again.)

LANCELOT: (Chuckling) The little man amuses me.

WILL: I’ve got to get out of here. Oh God, it’s going to eat me again and…

ALISON: Will, listen to me. Listen to my calming voice. Listen to my soothing voice and…

WILL: (Interrupts) Will you have sex with me?

ALISON: No, I won’t have sex with you!

WILL: Sorry, I thought you were hitting on me.

ALISON: I was not hitting on you! I was trying to calm you down.

ROBERT: I can’t believe you were hitting on Will, Alison. We were broken up for a day and you turn to Will. Will!

WILL: I just wanted it stated that if you are interested, Alison that I’m…

ALISON: Shut up, Will! Robert, I wasn’t hitting on Will.  I was trying to distract him from the lion…

WILL: Lion! (Screams)

ALISON: That is just like the lion that ate him.

WILL: (Screams again.)

ALISON: Right there.

WILL: (Screams again.)

ALISON: That big lion.

WILL: (Screams again.)

ALISON: Right nearby us.

WILL: (Screams again.)

LANCELOT: (Laughs heartedly) The little man screams like a little girl.

ROBERT: For an immortal, you certainly have the strangest sense of courage. You walk straight up to that last binky and then a lion…

WILL: (Screams again.)

ROBERT: Nevermind.

WILL: (Screams again.)

ROBERT: I didn’t even say lion.

WILL: (Screams again.)

SUSAN: Will! Will! Calm down. It looks safe. I mean, look at it. You see how it is lying with that lamb. Look at how safe the lamb looks in the arms of that lion.

WILL: Yeah, yeah… you’re right.

SUSAN: (Calming) Do you think the lamb looks in danger?

WILL: I guess not.

SUSAN: (Calming) Yes, the lamb looks perfectly safe near that lion.

SOUND: Lion roar.

SOUND: of eating

EVERYONE: (Screams and then slowly calms down.)

ROBERT: Wow. (Pause). I guess Susan was way off about that lion… Where’s Will?

LANCELOT: The little man wet himself and ran up that mountain there.

ROBERT: I guess we should go find him.

SUSAN: We don’t have time Robert. We have to find the binkies and… Robert! Get back here.

ROBERT: (Walking away, in distance) I’ll get Will. Carry on saving reality without me.

SUSAN: Ok, so now it’s just me.

LANCELOT: And me, beautiful fair Susan.

SUSAN: Beautiful?

ALISON: (Gasps.)

SUSAN: Alison?

ALISON: Look at that unicorn!

SUSAN: Alison, get back here.

ALISON: I’ve never seen a unicorn before. I wonder if it will let me touch him.

SUSAN: Alison! My God!

SOUND: Quickly running away.

SUSAN: (In distance) Get back here!

ALISON: Hi there. Aren’t you a beautiful creature? Such a beautiful animal My name is Alison.

UNICORN: Hello Alison, it’s nice to meet you.

ALISON: Hey! You can speak.

UNICORN: Of course, all animals in the Garden of Eden can talk. Do you mind scratching behind that ear there? (Getting a little too into it) Ah, that’s it. Thank you very much. Oh yeah, give it to me. Itch, baby, itch. Don’t stop.

Scene 5

SOUND: Of Heaven

MICHAEL: Your boldness, I have just received word from our team of General Joseph’s body, Angel Jenkins and Dante they are near the mountain and…

KELLII: Why do you keep looking at me that way?

REPAIR ANGEL: Nothing.

MICHAEL: Do you two mind? Anyway, both teams will be there! If anyone can stop these binkies it will be this team. Let’s go back to Eden and see their arrival. Look, there is Robert and Will on the mountain near Eden.

Scene 6

SOUND: On a Mountain

ROBERT: Will? Are you up here?

WILL: No.

ROBERT: There you are.

WILL: No, I’m not.

ROBERT: Do you mind coming down and joining us?

WILL: I think I’d rather stay up here, thank you very much.

ROBERT: But we’d all like to see you down there, buddy.

WILL: I’m safe up here. Nothing can scare me or surprise me here.

DANTE: Hello everyone!

WILL: Things go from bad to worse.

DANTE: Robert, Will, we have found you.

WILL: It’s Dante again

JENKINS: What’s that smell?

DANTE: I think Will has wet himself.

DANTE AND JENKINS: Ewwwwww….

WILL: Oh, shut up!

ROBERT: Where is that angel’s head?

DANTE: Long story.

WILL: And why do you all smell like hamburgers.

JENKINS: Really hamburgers?

DANTE: I knew we should have washed our clothes for a little longer.

WILL: (Excited) Hey, the body is trying to say something. Does anyone know sign language?

ALL: (Each answering in turn) No… no… no…

WILL: (Sighs) Oh, well, nevermind.

DANTE: Has Susan found the binkies yet?

ROBERT: How did you know about…

DANTE: Something about destroying reality is important.

ROBERT: Yeah, I guess. No, I don’t think she has met….

SOUND: Screaming in background.

ROBERT: But I maybe wrong.

DANTE: Let’s go.

SOUND: of running away and angels flying.

Scene 7

SOUND: In the garden. Flames can be heard.

LANCELOT: What do we do, fair Susan?

ALISON: I can’t believe those binkies killed that unicorn.

SUSAN: They certainly look determined, don’t they?

SOUND: Of arriving group.

ROBERT: What did we miss?

SUSAN: Oh, nothing yet… We’re just deciding what to do. Hi Dante.

DANTE: Hi Susan. How are you?

SUSAN: Never better.

DANTE: Where is Steve?

SUSAN: No idea. Maybe we should try reasoning with them?

DANTE: Are you insane?

SUSAN: Excuse me, Ah binky!

SMAUG: We are not called Binkies we are called… Oh, Hell, now I can’t remember. Damn these timelines! (Growls) I am the binkie named Smaug. This hunt ends here with your deaths.

SUSAN: Ok, that didn’t work. Dante, do any of your angel friends know what to do?

DANTE: I would ask but Joseph is missing his head and Jenkins is passed out.

JENKINS: (Waking up) I’m back.

SUSAN: What happened to Joseph’s head?

SMAUG: You shall feel pain first. Great glorious pain. Like the pain my kind has felt at the hands of man since they were first created!

DANTE: I think the general is trying to tell us something. Do you know sign language, Susan?

SUSAN: No.

DANTE: You should really give it up, General.

ALISON: They are certainly getting closer, aren’t they?

SUSAN: Please Angel Jenkins; please tell me you have some weapons on you? You must have some weapons from Heaven?

JENKINS: No, sorry.

SUSAN: What? How did they expect you to fight the dragons?

JENKINS: I think they expected us to use the power of love.

SUSAN: (Pause) Damn, that’s stupid.

DANTE: Jenkins, what do you think we should do?

JENKINS: All I know is I think I pulled a Will.

WILL: Hey!

EVERYONE: (Quickly snickers and then goes back to being scared.).

SUSAN: What do you think Lancelot?

LANCELOT: Charge and attack?

PAUSE

SUSAN: What does everyone else think of Sir Lancelot’s plan?

EVERYONE ELSE: No… No… Maybe… No…

SUSAN: Ok, that one is out.

ROBERT: I’ve got an idea, Susan.

SUSAN: What?

ROBERT: Run for the mountain!

SOUND: Of dragons attacking and the group running away screaming!

Scene 8

SOUND: Of Heaven

MICHAEL: I can’t believe this… I can’t believe this… It says here that our heroes. Our fair and great heroes drawn together to save reality ran away like little children…. Oh, here is something interesting.

KELLII: Neat plot twist.

MICHAEL: Steve went away from the group early on, remember? Well, he met someone in the garden.

Scene 9

SOUND: In garden, near a beautiful waterfall.

STEVE: Hello? Hello?

EVE: Oh hi there. My name is Eve.

STEVE: My name is Steve and… (Quickly) No clothes! You have no clothes! Wow wow wow!

EVE: Thanks. I’m a woman.

STEVE: I noticed.

EVE: What is that on your skin?

STEVE: My clothes.

EVE: Why do you have them on?

STEVE: Ok, if you insist. I’ll take them off. God, I love a woman that gets to the point.

SOUND: Clothes ripping off very quickly (Almost too quickly).

STEVE: Done.

EVE: (Pause) Wow.

STEVE: Thanks. Do you mind if I grab something to eat first?

EVE: Go ahead, everything here is free to eat except that tree there…

STEVE: (Interrupting, not hearing) An apple tree! Great! Apples! Cool!

SERPENT: Eve, I am a serpent and your friend and these apples are the…

STEVE: Shut up, stupid snake.

SERPENT: Who are you? (Screams!) Waaaaaaaaa…. (Going off into distance).

EVE: You threw that snake far!

STEVE: Got in my way… (Chomps) Good apple. Here have one.

EVE: Thanks.

STEVE: Hmmm… Interesting, I feel guilt… Nah, now it’s gone. Damn good self-defense mechanism.

EVE: You know, Steve, looking at you, I wish to do something. I just don’t know what.

STEVE: Really?

EVE: Yes, are you feeling it to?

STEVE: Like you wouldn’t believe.

EVE: But what is it?

STEVE: Here maybe this will help you understand.

SOUND: Music starts up in background. A musical number is coming in.

EVE: Where did that band come from?

“THE WHOOPIE SONG”

SOUND: Music is jazzy. Sounds a lot like a 1920’s broadway number.

STEVE: (intro part of the song, minor) I’ve found in my life and days.

That there are three things

That make like worthwhile.

Eating, sports and the great other!

EVE: (Talking) other?

STEVE: I’m talking whoopie!

EVE: (Talking) Whoopie?

CHORUS

STEVE: (Singing. Song is catchy now) Whoopie Whoopie! Lets do that whoopie!

Whoopie! Whoopie! Let’s do that whoopie now!

STEVE:  (Talking) It’s start with your clothes on the ground and then zip!

You are doing the whoopie!

EVE: (Talking) I still don’t understand

STEVE: (Singing) It makes a boy a man,

A girl a woman, or sometimes easy

It can make a priest in trouble

They all suffer under the great whoopie

CHORUS

STEVE: Whoopie! Whoopie! Let’s do that whoopie!

Whoopie! Whoope! Let’s do that whoopie now!

SOUND: Music becomes playful. Dialogue is quick and playful.

EVE:  (Talking) I still don’t understand.

STEVE: (Talking) It begins with this.

EVE: (Talking) That?

STEVE: (Talking) Yes, this and it goes there.

EVE: (Talking) Where?

STEVE: (Talking) There!

EVE: (Talking) Oh, there!

STEVE: (Sings) And then things go from there!

SOUND: Music changes. More minor and serious

EVE: (Singing) I don’t know! It’s all so newwww and scaryyyy

I think I should be waryyyy

Do I know you?

Do I LOVE you?

Will you leave me in the morninggggg?

STEVE: (Talking) Probably.

SOUND: Music kicks in very suddenly for a final happy bit.

CHORUS

BOTH: Whoopie! Whoopie! Let’s do that whoopie!

Whoopie! Whoopie! Let’s do that Whoopie now!!!  OHHHHHH Yeeeeeeah!

Song Ends

EVE: Kiss me big boy!

Scene 10

SOUND: In heaven.

MICHAEL: Ok, that was strange (Pause). Anyway, back on the mountain the rest of the group is in hiding and trying to regroup.

 Scene 11

SOUND: On a mountain

ROBERT: Doesn’t anybody have a freaking plan? What kind of idiots are you?

DANTE: Hey!

JENKINS: It’s not as if you had a good idea!

ROBERT: I’m not an angel of God, moron!

JENKINS: Ok, you do have a point there.

WILL: Robert…

ROBERT: And you, Mr. Sir Lancelot.

LANCELOT: You don’t need the Mr. When you are calling me sir and…

ROBERT: Shut up! Mr. Dragon killer. “Oh, I’ll help your quest.” Fine help.

LANCELOT: I’ve killed for less than that Mr. Robert.

ROBERT: Oh, good. Let me go tell the binky how to talk to you so we can get this over with!

ALISON: Don’t mind him, Lancelot, he has issues.

ROBERT: First Will, now Sir Lancelot!

ALISON: What?

ROBERT: Don’t you have any self-control?

ALISON: How dare you! I was just talking.

ROBERT: We’re you just talking when you slept with Steve?

EVERYONE:  (Gasps.)

ROBERT: Oh, shut up! You all remember that!

ALISON: That was over a year ago.

ROBERT: I can’t believe I was ever stupid enough to love you. Thanks for messing up my life.

ALISON: Ok, that’s it.

SUSAN: Why are you standing up, Alison? The binkies will see you.

WILL: Sit down!

ALISON: I’m through. Robert, for the entire trip you have been on edge and annoying and complaining and sarcastic and frankly, I don’t care anymore! So that’s it!.. I’m changing sides.

EVERYONE: What?

ALISON: The binkies are right! Humanity sucks!

SOUND: Walking away

ALISON: Robert! Stop her.

ROBERT: You stop her. I don’t want to see her again.

SUSAN: But if you don’t stop her, Robert. No one will see anything ever again!

ROBERT: Do you see me complaining? Hmm? Hmmm?

WILL: Ah… no.

ROBERT: Damn straight!

Scene 12

SOUND: In Garden.

FIFTH DRAGON: Here comes one of the humans, mighty Smaug.

SMAUG: Our first prey.

ALISON: I’m joining you.

PAUSE

SMAUG: What did you say?

ALISON: I’m on your side now. Screw civilization.

FOURTH DRAGON: (Whispering) What do we do, mighty Smaug.

SMAUG: (Whispering) I’m not sure. (Aloud) Let me get this straight, puny human, you want to join us and help destroy the human race?

ALISON: You got it Spunky. So let’s go.

SMAUG: Go? Go where?

ALISON: Ok, Spunky…

SMAUG: Smaug.

ALISON: …Spunky, Smaug, whatever. Destroying Adam and Eve is stupid since you stop your own creation, which will create a temporal disturbance or something in the space-time continuum thing that will probably wipe out the universe.

SMAUG: Oh… Ok…

FOUTH DRAGON: That devil with the talking head lied to us, great Smaug!

ALISON: You listened to the advice of a devil! Man, you really do need my help. You have to think long term. You have got to find better attacks. You have to first make sure that you are created and then left in a seat of power.

SMAUG: Sure?

FIFTH DRAGON: She’s good.

SMAUG: Shut up!

FIFTH DRAGON: I’m just saying she knows her stuff.

SMAUG: How did you know about all that time and space…

ALISON: (Interrupting) I just watch Star Trek all the time that’s all and if you tell anyone I’ll kill you. Let’s go.

SMAUG: But go where?

ALISON: To my closest. I’m not destroying humanity in heels.

SMAUG: So we are going?

ALISON: Yes! What can’t you understand? I want out of here!

SMAUG: Ok… Let me just activate the time device and…

ALISON: Now!

SMAUG: Sorry, Ma’am… Just a second and…

SOUND: of Time tunnel.

Scene 13

SOUND: Group walking into Garden.

SUSAN: This is so your fault Robert!

ROBERT: How can you blame this on me?

SUSAN: You brought her along.

WILL: Do you really think she was hitting on me Robert?

ROBERT: No! No! You dragged us all into this Susan. And if it wasn’t for you and this damn adventure I’ll be engaged to that annoying, frustrating woman right now.

WILL: I mean, technically, you two are single now, Robby old boy, I mean, if you don’t mind, maybe I can call her…

ROBERT: No, Will you can’t call her!

WILL: Are you sure? I mean, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I will understand.

DANTE: I think we are all missing the point here.

JENKINS: Shut up Dante!

DANTE: No, Jenkins. You don’t understand. We saved the day.

PAUSE

LANCELOT: Well…

JENKINS: Gee…

WILL: He does have a point.

SUSAN: But the binkies are still trying to destroy civilization.

DANTE: Yes, but the beginning of man is safe. Nothing has changed the outcome of Adam and Eve. Mankind is still here and unchanged. It’s a start and a darn find tooting one, if you ask me!

LANCELOT: Yes, I agree with the man in the dress.

DANTE: It’s not a dress!

JENKINS: We rock!

SUSAN AND ROBERT: This is ridiculous.

DANTE: Adam and Eve are safe. The Garden of Eden and the beginning of man is unchanged and…

SOUND: Screaming in distance.

ADAM: (In distance) What’s this? Who is he, Eve? What the heck are you two doing?

EVE: (In distance) Adam! I can explain!

STEVE: (In distance) Gotta go!

EVERYONE: Oh no.

SOUND: Steve running towards group.

STEVE: (Running up) Start the time tunnel thingamig now! Guys, now!

ROBERT: Steve, what did you do?

STEVE: No time.

DANTE: Oh, no!

WILL: Does she have a sister, Steve?

STEVE: Start it! Start it!

LANCELOT: Where are the binkies right now?

SOUND: Machine beep.

SUSAN: Minnesota, it says in our present. Here we go.

ADAM: Stop!

DANTE: It’s Adam! He looks very upset!

STEVE: Start it! Start it!

SUSAN: Just a second. Just a second.

SOUND: Machine beeping some more.

ADAM: Stop! You will pay for what you did to my Eve!

JENKINS: Adam is throwing rocks!

DANTE: Ow!

WILL: He hit Dante!

SOUND: smack and machine starts sounding funky and so does the vortex.

SUSAN: He hit the time machine… Oh no! It’s going all funny.

DANTE: We are getting pulled in.

SUSAN: Hang on everyone!

EVERYONE: (Screaming)

SOUND: Time vortex closing.

Scene 14

SOUND: Of Heaven.

MICHAEL: Oh, my…

KELLII: Wow, this is cool.

REPAIR ANGEL: This is why I stay around here. Man, this is great.

KELLII: Did you see the part where…

MICHAEL: Do you two mind? I’m sorry about this, your greatness. I’ll inform you the second we figure out what happened to our heroes. And if anything happens with Alison and the binkies. My head hurts.

SOUND: Of typing.

MICHAEL: (To himself) I know we are all doomed, I just know it.

REPAIR: ANGEL: So while we wait for him to find the group, do you want to play a game?

KELLII: Sure.

REPAIR ANGEL: I have strip Monopoly and strip Stratego game in my van.

KELLII: Does all your games have to be “strip.”?

REPAIR ANGEL: (Disappointed) I guess not.

KELLII: Good, then. Let’s start with Monopoly. I get to be the hat!

MICHAEL: (Under breath) Strip Stratego?

REPAIR ANGEL: Ok, but I get to be the sports car.

KELLII: No I want to be the sports car!

MICHAEL: Will you two shut up!… I’m sorry about that sir. I’ll tell you as soon as I discover something. (To himself) We are all in trouble… I just know it.

END CREDITS

Closer

SOUND: People screaming everywhere.

FIFTH DRAGON: Where are we, Miss Alison?

ALISON: This is my hometown. It’ll take me just a second to change into something more comfortable. Hmmm… odd…

SMAUG: What?

ALISON: Funny, I just noticed how many people look like Steve…