Time Out Of Mind,
the sequel to
The Dante Experience
“Michael Has a Date”
SOUND: Of Heaven
MICHAEL: (Flying in) Hello, hello. Sir. I received your page. What’s going on is something wrong? What is that you have there?
SOUND: Paper rustling.
MICHAEL: For me? Ok, let me just read this note and… Ok, you really didn’t need the swear words! All you had to do was ask? I’ll tell you what is going on? No problem. I’ll just boot up the system here and as I do, I will tell you…
SOUND: Computer booting up.
MICHAEL: Ok, there we go… In the year 3020, genetic engineers on earth have developed the capability to create dragons. And these creatures, as I’ve been told by those damn future watchers, were used to for sport at amusement parks. See, mankind has always had a fascination with dragons- from bad movies to bad… well, frankly a lot of bad things, probably one of the reasons that the dragons are upset right there. Anyway, these futuristic dragons would be created, raised for a week then killed for sport by a knight… Now where the problem took place is that they kept recreating the same dragons! You see what I am getting at?… No? Ok, well, these dragons hate being brought to life and being killed over and over again, so one of the smart ones, Smaug is his name, decided to seek revenge. So him and his fellow dragons broke out of the lab early and stole a time traveling device in the hope of destroying mankind in the past where he doesn’t have the tools to fight back… Of course what they don’t realize is if they destroy man in the past, they will be erased from existence…
SOUND: Of computer beeping.
MICHAEL: And if they go back too far, maybe wipe all of us out of existence… Not you, of course, but for us it is sticky situation. Right now, the only people that can save the day are the group from the Dante Experience since they were given the weapon from the knight. And, as luck would have it, they have already killed one of the five in revolutionary Paris and…
KELLII: (chewing gum) What is this place? What is that smell? It smells like incense.
MICHAEL: (awkward) Oh, Kellii. You followed me in.
KELLII: You didn’t expect me to wait in the car did you. That Gremlin is cramped enough. Who is that?
KELLII: The guy on the throne. Who is he?
MICHAEL: God this is Angel Kellii T3125-9. Kellii this is God.
KELLII: Nice robe.
MICHAEL: (Awkward laughing)
KELLII: Is that wine, you got there? Can I have a sip?
MICHAEL: Kellii! Don’t drink, God’s…
KELLII: Hey, this is good wine… (Effected by the drink) You know you are kind of cute.
MICHAEL: Oh, this is not good.
SOUND: Of a pager.
MICHAEL: My pager… Pager! Great a distraction! It’s Angel Ted.
KELLII: Uh oh.
MICHAEL: What’s wrong?
MICHAEL: It must be something, you are acting awkward.
KELLII: I said it was nothing.
MICHAEL: Ok, your holiness, Ted has just paged me. He has some news about Mephistopheles the devil. Let’s just boot up the screen and see what Ted has to say. Ted are you there? Ted?
TED: Hello, Angel Michael, I have some… Kellii!
KELLII: Hi, dad.
TED: What are you doing there? You’re supposed to be home.
TED: You are grounded little lady angel!
KELLII: I can explain.
TED: This is a school night.
MICHAEL: School night? You said you were 22,000 years old!
KELLII: Don’t throw a hissy fit, I’m of legal angel age.
TED: What is going on here?
KELLII: Dad, I can explain.
TED: Have you been drinking?
KELLII: Yes, I mean no.
TED: You have! You have been drinking! Did Michael give you alcohol?
KELLII: No, God did.
TED: What is going on?
MICHAEL: Ah, why don’t you tell us about Mephistopheles the devil? Has he met up with the dragons? Has he met up with the group from the Dante Experience yet?
TED: Actually he has. After Steve killed the imposter Napoleon, there was a big party. I’m at the party and as you can see everyone is here. There is Thomas Jefferson.
SOUND: Of a big party.
TED: And Benjamin Franklin.
FRANKLIN: Rock on!
TED: Mr. Franklin, what do you think of the recent changes?
FRANKLIN: Stupendous, I believe Steve will be a great leader for France.
FRANKLIN: Haven’t you heard? Since Napoleon was killed, Steve was named Emperor of France. He was crowned an hour ago.
TED: Well… Ah… That is some news.
FRANKLIN: I think this is a great change for France and Europe. A new energy is sweeping the continent.
TED: Steve is the Emperor?
FRANKLIN: His first act as Emperor was to change the name of Versailles to the Playboy Mansion. I really don’t know what that means. And tonight’s festivities I am told… I have my program here. Yes, the party will include something called mud wrestling and a wet t-shirt contest. I wonder what that is. I didn’t bring a t-shirt with me.
MICHAEL: (Over receiver) Oh, no. Ted, is anyone around you from the group.
TED: Thank you Benjamin.
FRANKLIN: No problem. (Walking away) Woohoo! Party! Kegger!
TED: I don’t see any of them… Wait a minute, there is Will. He seems to be dressed like a referee. (Calling) Will! Can I talk to you over here?
WILL: Ok, but only for a minute. We start the mud wrestling in a few minutes and I have a lot of important… Hey, are we on TV?
TED: Well, God TV.
WILL: (Disappointed) Those religious stations are always lame.
WILL: Strange men with country accents and women in evening gowns and a lot of make-up saying how God saves. If those are the kind of people you meet being religious, I’ll go evil, if you don’t mind.
TED: (Fake laughing). Yes, anyway, where is the rest of the group?
WILL: Well, Steve is upstairs having a private celebration with his queen, Josephine, if you know what I mean.
TED: I think our audience probably does.
WILL: Sure. Robert is over there talking to some people. He is a general now. Susan is… Bam!… Susan is over there! She is trying to figure out on the time device where the other dragons went. She is on that whole mission vibe. Last I saw Alison she was having a drinking contest with Thomas Jefferson. Did I mention I am a referee for the mud wrestling competition? (Laughs like a little kid on Christmas morning).
TED: Thank you Will!
WILL: Whatever! (Walking away) Hey Franklin save some beer for me!
MICHAEL: Ted, you said you had some news about Mephist?
TED: Oh, yes, I spotted the devil Mephistopheles a few minutes ago at the party. I don’t see him now. He must be in the crowd some place.
MICHAEL: (Over receiver) I thought he promised the devils he was going to find the dragons. I wonder why he is there? Well, when you see him again, could you please follow him and get back to us about…
TED: (Just realizing) Oh my God! You were not on a date with Michael were you!?
MICHAEL: Gotta go, Ted.
TED: You are so in trouble, little lady angel. Wait until your mother hears about this.
MICHAEL: Bye Ted.
TED: If you have touched her Michael…
SOUND: Of Heaven.
MICHAEL: (Awkward laughing) I wonder what Mephist was doing? I thought he was trying to find the dragons. Let’s go back to the monitors.
KELLII: Can I have another drink.
MICHAEL: No, you can’t have another drink!
SOUND: Of parties.
ALISON: (Drunk) I want another drink.
BARTENDER: Coming right up!
ALISON: Oh this is just what I need!
MEPHIST: I have come back for you.
ALISON: Like I haven’t heard that before.
MEPHIST: Alison! Have you been drinking?
ALISON: No, I haven’t… not been drinking! Ha!
MEPHIST: I really don’t like seeing you this way.
ALISON: What? I’m at a party. I’m having a few drinks what is wrong?
MEPHIST: How did this happen?
ALISON: It’s all Thomas Jefferson’s fault. We started seeing who could take the most shots. And I couldn’t say no to the challenge. He was the president and all. Kind of important. If a president says get drunk, you get drunk. That is how I was raised, yuppers.
ALISON: You aren’t supposed to talk to me anyway. Remember the big words: Restraining Order.
MEPHIST: Alison, I’m sorry.
ALISON: I had that court order written for a reason… Granted, everyone at the police station thought I was mad asking for a restraining order on a devil. But I was persistent, yes I was. I shook my little fist like this.
MEPHIST: You aren’t happy.
ALISON: Really you can’t be this close to me! As soon as I find a phone in this place you are in big trouble, devil boy!
MEPHIST: You can stop shaking your fist now.
MEPHIST: Alison, you aren’t happy with Robert.
ALISON: Robert? Robert is great. We are great. How many times do I have to tell you this? He is a general in the French army now. Big time leader. So go away, no more devils for Alison. Alison is filled up with devils. Go bye bye. One more there!
BARTENDER: Coming right up!
MEPHIST: Alison I still love you. Hell is not the same without you.
ALISON: (Fake emotion) Oh that’s sweet.
MEPHIST: It’s true.
ALISON: Are you sure this is not like the last time where you lied and manipulated my feelings to distract my friends why you did evil things behind our backs.
MEPHIST: Ah…. No, no not at all.
ROBERT: (Walking up) Alison! There you are. Ah! What is he doing here? I thought you had a restraining order put on him.
MEPHIST: Oh, great!
ALISON: We were only talking Robert.
ROBERT: Well that better be true. I’m a general in the French army now, Mr. Devil. I have an army at my disposal and with just a word I can have you killed.
MEPHIST: I’m a devil! I can’t be killed!
ROBERT: Yeah, just keep telling yourself that.
MEPHIST: Why don’t you understand this concept? You stabbed me and I came back, remember? Remember?!
WILL: (Running up) Robert! Alison!
ROBERT: Not now Will, I’m about to kick Mephist’s ass again.
MEPHIST: Hell’s bells, Robert what are you going to do? Cheat again?
ROBERT: I’ll cheat you good.
WILL: No time, Robert for that. We’ve got to get Susan and Steve!
ALISON: What is it?…
ALISON: Opps. I fell out of my chair! (Drunkenly laughing)
WILL: I was just told by the guards that Napoleon is home!
ALISON: Alison, go boom!
MEPHIST: Alison, that is really unbecoming. Do you always act like this when you are drunk… Alison?
ALISON: From the ground I can see everyone’s butts! There is a butt! And there is a butt! Everyone has a butt! (Laughs) Butts! (Laughs again)
MEPHIST: She started dating you when she was drunk, right, Robert?
ALISON: Butts! (Laughing)
ROBERT: Yes, but she wasn’t this drunk.
ALISON: Robert you are soooo handsome.
MEPHIST AND WILL: (Laughs)
ROBERT: Shut up.
MEPHIST: Hmmm… I think I’ll have to try another course of action in helping the dragons. See you later (Disappears).
ROBERT: He is gone.
ALISON: He used to do that after sex too.
ALISON: (excited) Then he would come back with pizza!
SUSAN: Hey, everyone I think the trace is almost done on this time travel-thingy.
FRANKLIN: Did I leave my beer over here?
ALISON: Hi Franklin.
FRANKLIN: Hi my beautiful young lass.
ROBERT: Now wait just a second.
SUSAN: Benjamin Franklin! What are you doing here?
FRANKLIN: I was invited.
SUSAN: But you are supposed to be dead.
FRANKLIN: I’m supposed to be what?!
WILL: Did any of you catch what I was saying… Oh, forget it. I have mudwrestling to referee.
SUSAN: By this point in history, Benjamin Franklin was dead.
JEFFERSON: Hi everyone.
ALISON: Hi Thomas Jefferson.
JEFFERSON: You are looking more beautiful each time I see you, Alison.
ALISON: (Giggles again)
ROBERT: Now you wait a second too.
SUSAN: This is all wrong. Thomas Jefferson!
SUSAN: At this point in history you are supposed to be president!
JEFFERSON: President? Wacko!
SUSAN: What is wrong with history?
ROBERT: And more importantly why is everyone hitting on my girlfriend!
SUSAN: Robert, this is a much bigger deal. This could mean that the very fabric of time and space is being ripped apart.
ROBERT: My head hurts. Too many images of love of life with devils and presidents in my head!
FRANKLIN: I was never president.
ALISON: And I’m hungry for pizza.
WILL: Quiet you guys, I’m starting the mudwrestling! Hit it Glen Miller!
SUSAN: Glen Miller!?!
MUSIC: Big Band music starts.
WILL: It’s time everyone for the great French Mudwrestling competition!!
WILL: And, we begin with…. Wait, does anyone else hear that? Shhhh…
NAPOLEON: (In background) Hello Josephine, your French little love monkey is…Sac Le Bleu!!!
JOSEPHINE: (In background) I can explain everything!
STEVE: (In background) Would you believe it if I said I was her doctor? Hey! That hurts! Gotta go! Ahhh!!!
ROBERT: Alison, you should get up.
ALISON: Whatever you want, sexy. (She makes a growling noise and then burps… laughs),
STEVE: (Screaming) We’ve got to go, everyone!
WILL: No! I was about to start.
STEVE: Start the time device.
WILL: Can’t you just kill him too!
SUSAN: Just another minute, ok? I don’t know exactly where the other dragons are so I don’t know where we are…
STEVE: No time
SOUND: (Buttons being pushed).
SUSAN: Hey, what are you doing? I’m trying to place a trace. We might not be accurate.
NAPOLEON: Arrest them!
WILL: Hey, it’s that guy from Dead Celebrity Tic Tac Toe! He is great!
SOUND: of time tunnel opening.
STEVE: Everyone in! Gotta go!
ALISON: Isn’t Robert sexy, Susan?
SUSAN: Ok, how much has she really been drinking?
ROBERT: What is that supposed to mean?
WILL: You are great! I love a good croissant! Say it! I love a good croissant!
ROBERT: What are you talking about Will?
WILL: That’s what he says. And everyone laughs. I’m serious. Don’t you watch TV?
ALISON: Goodbye Mephist… Where did he go?
SUSAN: Mephist was here?
FRANKLIN: Can I get another drink, Bartender.
ALISON: Franklin! I forgot you were here. I like Franklin.
FRANKLIN: That’s nice… hey, let go.
ALISON: Can I keep him?
FRANKLIN: Let go of me!
STEVE: No time! Everyone in!
SOUND: of tunnel and screaming and ends. Party noise is still going on.
SOUND: In Heaven.
MICHAEL: Once my computer discovers where they land, we’ll go back to them.
KELLII: There has got to be some more alcohol hidden around here someplace. What is under the robe?
MICHAEL: Kellii! No!… Ah… Look over here, I have an update coming in, sir from our team in France and… Ok, this is not good. And they are about to have their heads cut off. (Awkward laugh that sounds very terrified).
SOUND: Of chanting and large crowds.
DANTE: I don’t want to die… again.
JENKINS: This is all Michael’s fault. This is all Michael’s fault.
JOSEPH: Suck it up, soldiers! We are from God’s army. We can take a little beheading from time to time.
JENKINS: What world are you from? Three guillotines!
DANTE: I don’t know if I want to put my head there, it looks alittle dirty. Could you maybe clean it first?… Ok… I’ll put my head down.
JENKINS: Can’t you talk to them, Dante?
DANTE: I’m not French. How many times do I have to say it!
JOSEPH: Do you want to sing a song as it happens.
JENKINS: Like what? Pop goes the weasel?
DANTE: This is not a time to be funny! Our heads in guillotines is a bad thing! Bad, very bad. Why did I ever agree to help Michael again? You think I would learn, but noooo… The threat of death always gives me an ulcer.
JOSEPH: I’m sure we’ll be fine and soon we’ll be back fighting to save reality.
JENKINS: But I like my head. It’s where I keep all my thoughts.
DANTE: I’ll get that Michael if it is the last thing I…
SOUND: of three guillotines chopping.
SOUND: of cheering.
SOUND: of Heaven.
MICHAEL: They’ll be ok. A few stitches and they will be as right as rain… (Fake laughing).
KELLII: What is going on here? Can I look at your computer?
MICHAEL: Kellii, not now.
KELLII: Oh, it looks like you have been creating a website.
MICHAEL: (Very awkward) No, I haven’t.
KELLII: Do you have any wine over here?
MICHAEL: Don’t drink anymore of God’s wine!
KELLII: You really aren’t as fun as you made yourself sound on the internet.
MICHAEL: Kellii, let’s not talk about it here.
KELLII: But you said you were a wild and adventurous angel.
MICHAEL: And you said you were 22,000 years old!
KELLII: So I lied.
SOUND: Typing on computer.
KELLII: And you look nothing like the pictures you emailed to me.
MICHAEL: I have a job to do now. And as soon as it is done I’m dropping you off and we are both going to forget this ever happened… Ok, your supreme beingness, I’m being told by my handy computer here that we are not sure where the dragons are, but we have found the location where our Dante group has landed. It seems to be medieval England.
KELLII: I would never have sent you any of those pictures of me if I knew that…
MICHAEL: Kellii, not now.
SOUND: Of time tunnel opening
SOUND: Of group screaming and landing.
STEVE: Ok, where are we?
FRANKLIN: What was in that French wine?
STEVE: What is that old man doing here?
ROBERT: Oh, my God! We kidnapped Benjamin Franklin!
ALISON: Can we keep him?
STEVE: Where are we Susan? There aren’t any more dragons around?
SUSAN: How am I supposed to know? You messed with the controls before we left. It didn’t come with a training manual, you know. You might have totally ruined the trace I was trying to place.
ALISON: Hey Franklin, do you know anything about the American Civil War, I have a midterm later this…
FRANKLIN: (Interrupting) American Civil War? What are you talking about?
SUSAN: Be quiet you two. Anyway, Steve I’m just glad I remembered to bring the wrist laser with me.
ALISON: My laser.
SUSAN: I don’t think so, Alison honey.
ALISON: Oh… hangover kicking in.
WILL: I was going to be a referee!
ROBERT: Alison, do you need anything.
FRANKLIN: I must be hallucinating.
WILL: A referee!
STEVE: Will, I was Emperor of France so let’s keep this all in perspective.
WILL: Steve! A referee!
STEVE: Ok, ok, buddy.
WILL: Referee! Mud wrestling! With real women!
ALISON: Can someone please shut Will up…. God, I hate Thomas Jefferson.
ROBERT: Wait, wait. Franklin was saying something. Why do you think you are hallucinating, Mr. Franklin?
FRANKLIN: Well, it is the only way I think to explain those two knights riding up to us on horesback.
SUSAN: Ok, so now we have a little bit of an idea where we are.
ROBERT: Stand up, Alison.
ALISON: Ground is comfy. Me want to sleep with trees. Pretty trees.
STEVE: Should we be dressed like French leaders here? I mean they fought a lot and stuff, right?
FRANKLIN: And I’m an American! They hated us too. They had a price on my head!
ALISON: Well, they sound like they hate everyone! That’s so not cool.
ROBERT: Ok, if I remember my history we all happened after this time period, so we should be ok. This is like medieval time or something.
FRANKLIN: Is there really going to be a civil war?
SUSAN: Shhh, Let me do the talking.
WILL: I was going to be a referee for mud wrestling.
SUSAN: Let it go, Will.
WILL: Mud wrestling!
ROBERT: Here they are.
SUSAN: I said, shhhh…
SOUND: Horses riding up.
LANCELOT: What can explain such a strange collection of vagabonds in the land of Camelot?
SUSAN: Greetings, great knight.
LANCELOT: Greetings to you too, fair maidan. (Enraptured) You must be a work of paradise’s wand or dipped straight from the necter of Eve’s loveliness to be so radiant. I have wandered this Earth for many a long years and you are one of the few to ever stir this cold heart of…
SUSAN: (Interrupting) Yeah, whatever. Did you say land of Camelot?
LANCELOT: Yes, you are in the land of King Arthur. I am Sir Lancelot and I am on a hunt for Dragons that were spotted in these parts. And, yet, all I find are a group of strangely dressed people. And one covered in some kind of cream and chocolate.
STEVE: Whipped cream actually… I probably should have wiped that off… Or put on a shirt. Yeah, that would have been cool… Pants would have been a good idea too, right?
ROBERT: Where did you get a bottle of whipped cream in France?
STEVE: You really don’t want to know.
SUSAN: We are… We are an acting troupe!
SUSAN: Yes, that’s it!
LANCELOT: You are still a woman, correct?
LANCELOT: Good, continue.
SUSAN: And we were just practicing the strange tale of… of… You were supposed to be creative, help me out Franklin.
FRANKLIN: The tale of the drunken maidens and the monster in cream.
STEVE: Sounds like a Penthouse letter.
WILL: I think I’ve read that one.
LANCELOT: I have not heard that story.
FRANKLIN: It is about a monster in cream and when a girl meets him they act…
WILL: That’s not how I heard it. It started late night in an office and Cheryl was working late when her boss and his wife came in and…
FRANKLIN: Not now, Will. The girls act strange around a monster in cream and…
ALISON: These men are shiny.
FRANKLIN: Just like that!
SUSAN: Hey let’s rewind a second.
SUSAN: You said something about dragons?
LANCELOT: Yes, they were spotted around here, but first let us take you back to Camelot, where you can be taken care of.. . And tonight you can perform for his majesty and the queen.
STEVE: Oh, smart idea, Susan.
SUSAN: What? I didn’t hear you offer any suggestions.
LANCELOT: Follow me.
ROBERT: Steve, help me pick up Alison.
ALISON: Steve? Are you picking me up again?
STEVE: Not now, Alison, not now.
ROBERT: No, I think I will just carry her.
LANCELOT: To Camelot!
SOUND: Of Heaven.
MICHAEL: Ok, ok, big guy, so where are we? We have no idea what the dragons are up to or where they are. They may be in medieval times with the group for all we know. That’s assuming Susan was able to get the trace to work correcting on the time travel device. And what else? We don’t know where Mephistopheles went or what that devil is up to. And our team from Heaven were all just beheaded in Revolutionary France. I’m sure its not as bad as it all sounds. I mean there has to be some silver lining in this cloud someplace.
KELLII: My pager.
MICHAEL: I’m getting a message, sir that the dragons are in medieval England.
KELLII: I’ve got to go.
MICHAEL: What? Just a second. Anyway, sir my message is telling me that they left one of their four remaining dragons behind to kill the group the next day. He seems to be ransacking a village and burning and…
KELLII: (Interrupting) Michael I need to get home, preferably before my dad gets home.
MICHAEL: This is kind of important, Kellii. We are in…
KELLII: Oh, God.
MICHAEL: He is right there.
KELLII: No, I mean, my stomach.
KELLII: I think I am feeling sick from that wine.
MICHAEL: Don’t throw up here!
KELLII: I’m feeling really queasy and…
MICHAEL: Not on his robe! Watch out for the throne!
SOUND: Of… well, you really don’t want to know.
MICHAEL: No, no, no, no…Kelli you just vomited on…
KELLII: I’m feeling better now.
MICHAEL: (Quick and in fear) I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
KELLII: That is some strong wine. Eh?
MICHAEL: This is not good. I’m so sorry, so so very sorry.
KELLII: Can we go now?
MICHAEL: Yeah, yeah, ok, fine, ok… Sir, I’ve got to go drop my date back off at her house before she gets grounded and Ted kills me… or you kill both of us… I’ll be back here as soon as I can. And feel free to forward me that cleaning bill. I will take care of it. Not a problem. Move, Kelli, move!
KELLII: I think I lost an earring.
MICHAEL: Not the time now.
KELLII: But I just can’t… Hey. They belong to my mom.
MICHAEL: We are leaving! That ends the report for now… (Walking away). So since you lied about your age does that mean that story about you being a stripper was a lie too?
MICHAEL: So no discounts?
MICHAEL: Man, I hate the internet. Everyone lies on it… including Angels.
SOUND: Backstage before the group’s play. You can hear the group pacing around practicing their lines.
STEVE: What is it, Will? I’m preparing my lines for the show. If we screw this up, we’ll probably be killed.
WILL: I just want to know why I have to play a woman?
STEVE: We explained this numerous times Will. Because we needed a third woman and you looked much better in that dress than Benjamin Franklin.
WILL: It sounds like a compliment, but it really isn’t.