The Stories of Scott D. Southard

  • In Jerry’s Corner
  • A Jane Austen Daydream
  • Permanent Spring Showers
  • Megan
  • Maximilian Standforth and the Case of the Dangerous Dare
  • The Dante 3
  • Me Stuff
  • Man Behind the Curtain
  • November 30, 2013

    Why The Littlest Angel is the worst holiday story… ever

    The First Cover for the "classic"When The Littlest Angel by Charles Tazewell was published in 1946 it was a holiday phenomenon. This “classic” story has since been published numerous times (with many different illustrated versions); made into movies (cartoon, musical, and live action); and in the list of best-selling children stories of all time (!) it comes up in the top 20. 

    Heck, even holiday crooner Bing Crosby sang a song based on the plot of it! 

    I remember the first time I heard this story. It was at catechism. and the teacher read it to us as if she was bestowing a great holiday gift on us children. I can still see her smile. While the other kids casually sat near me with crossed legs, I remember really being bothered by the story. I couldn’t put my finger on it then, but that reaction to the tale has never gone away for me. And that day, I raised my hand for I had some questions.

    My hand is still up in the air.

    The fact is, after thinking about it far too much, and being haunted by it like Marley’s ghost each year, I can’t escape my problems with this narrative. I have come to the opinion that this Christmas traditional yarn is… just awful. Horrendous. Possibly the worst holiday story. Oh, God, it is just bad.

    Okay, it takes a lot for a story to be a worst holiday yarn than the appalling song “The Christmas Shoes” (which for those lucky not to know is the materialistic and disturbing ditty about an ignorant child who leaves his dying mother’s bedside to go shopping, assuming that the shoes he puts on her feet will go with her soul to heaven and there impress Jesus), but The Littlest Angel does it. It does it ten times over.

    Grab a cup of hot chocolate and a Christmas cookie, snuggle in by the fireplace, and let me tell you why… (more…)

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  • November 25, 2013

    Ho Ho Ho! To celebrate 1000 blog followers I wrote a Christmas song!

    Linus and the treeThis weekend, we put up our Christmas tree. We called it our “retro-tree” and used color lights and gold garland. Very 70’s. While we were doing this important activity, we listened to a holiday music station via our AT&T Uverse account. And, yes, while all of the classics were there, there were also a lot of bad Christmas songs on it.

    A lot, a lot of bad Christmas songs…

    Christmas donkeys, Suzy Snowflake, Alvin and the Chipmunks… It almost made me wonder if the person who planned the setlist had a hidden agenda. An agenda of holiday pain and bitterness. What did Santa do to them?

    The fact is there is a trick to writing a good Christmas song (which I can tell you if you want), yet we still get horrendous new holiday songs each year (I wrote this post last year on the worst one I ever heard). Most bad holiday songs are around love and heartbreak and done by struggling pop artists. So to celebrate the fact that I’ve now REACHED 1000 BLOG FOLLOWERS, I’ve decided to enter the financial holiday gravy train.

    “A Stocking Full of You”

    If Snowflakes are daydreams
    My lawn is covered with a thousand wishes of you-
    When I sit on Santa’s lap
    All I asked for was you in a bow-

    (Chorus) You make my sleigh bells jingle-
    You light up Rudolph’s nose-
    Jump in your sleigh and head over-
    It’s almost Christmas day-

    Jack Frost and Frosty
    Can’t freeze my longing heart-
    All the Christmas songs are in minor keys
    When they forget your smile-

    (Chorus)

    (Bridge) Santa likes his cookies-
    Reindeers like their hay-
    This year I have only one wish on my list-
    Have I been naughty?
    Have I been naughty?
    Oh!

    (Chorus)

    (Chorus)

    End

    I expect all of the country singers and boy bands to send their checks directly to me from here to eternity.

    Thanks for following my blog!

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  • November 21, 2013

    Trapped in Spam: My Days in a Post-Monty Python World

    When I originally wrote this post, it seemed like that was the end for Monty Python. Now there is talk of a reunion concert (with new material!) and possibly a tour in the future. The mind reels and I must admit I feel a tad giddy.

    Scott D. Southard's avatarThe Stories of Scott D. Southard

    My heroes…As I write this I am wearing a t-shirt from TeeFury that has the black knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail fighting Darth Vader. (I believe we can all guess how such an mind-blowing awesome encounter would end.)

    …Also, as I write this my ringtone on my phone is the King Arthur theme from Holy Grail. So a call not only makes me run to the phone but also consider grabbing one or two coconuts (without African swallows to hold them up).

    When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the…

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  • November 18, 2013

    Twitter-Free: My 24 Hours Without Twitter

    The Fail WhaleI have over 30,000 Twitter followers. When I began this post I had tweeted exactly 10,400 times. No more, no less. Tweet #10,401 will be the first notice that I have written this post.

    I am an author on Twitter and, honestly, I don’t think Twitter has led to many book sales really from the traffic. It does generate blog views, but never more than a third of what I get on a daily basis. The rest comes from subscribers and those who just seem to check me out from time to time. So what is this hold Twitter has on me that I keep returning and why do so many follow me?

    For me, personally, Twitter is an ego trip. I admit that. Beyond the amount of followers, I get a huge kick out of sharing, retweets, and likes around my articles and books. And I especially love it when someone writes to me about my books usually to say they are reading one of them or enjoy it.

    The fact is though I can’t imagine having a real friendship or relationship over Twitter. There almost needs to be a new word for the relationships built on this social network; somewhere below “acquaintance” but above “name recognition.” Yeah, it’s not like Facebook where a majority of my “friends” I have actually spoken to at one point. This is more like epic literary crowdsurfing for a writer. Like I am thrown to the sea of Twitter, riding my book like a boat. And there are thousands and thousands of other writers and readers like me on the rough sea in similar boats… and now and then we will see a Fail Whale. Making us at that moment the internet equivalent of Ahab.

    Well, not this day.  For on this day, for the first time in two years, I have decided to take a break and document my withdraw… (more…)

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  • November 6, 2013

    Drums and Kings: Turning Forty

    Gandalf by Ted Nasmith I have always been a book nerd.

    A great example of what I mean is my first reaction to J.R.R Tolkien’s masterpiece The Lord of the Rings. I read the book that first time when I was around nine and while I loved it, my favorite moment was probably not the same as for other readers.

    There is this wonderful chapter in the first book The Fellowship of the Rings called “The Bridge of Khazad-dum.” For those that don’t know or remember, this is the lowest point for the fellowship as they run to escape the dark of Moria, pursued by unspeakable evils. Yes, I worried about the heroes but really what made me sit up straight and take note was what Tolkien did in his writing and I had never seen anything like it before.

    The orcs and goblins chasing our team were using drums but their drums were more than drums. They were speaking.

    Doom, boom, doom, went the drums in the deep.

    They are relentless, and obviously doing more than simply beating. They are screaming a warning, building to a crescendo over the course of the chapter until finally at the end Gandalf is lost and the drums then fade into the distance, leaving the fellowship and the readers all breathless.

    But for me, I wasn’t breathless because of the action and the loss.

    No…

    I wanted to know how Tolkien did that.

    (more…)

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  • November 5, 2013

    The Mary Jane Legacy (It’s not about what you may assume…)

    Something different on my site today, and from a different Scott Southard! My dad has his own blog where he writes on his experience working in health care and as a manager. In his most recent post he shared memories of his mom, my grandmother. It is a touching piece and I think really captures her strong personality and amazing mind. I hope you enjoy it.

    Scott Southard's avatarHealthcare Leadership: A Discourse

    This month marks the fifth anniversary of the passing of my mother, Mary Jane Southard.  She was a hard worker and a very smart woman with several graduate degrees, held a position in public education of which she was the first Michigan woman to do so, and was responsible for launching the education of innumerable children in our community.

    Grandma S. copy

    Even now, people in her town still recognize our shared last name and ask about her or have an endearing story to share of her seemingly unceasing generosity and kind heart.  It always fascinated my sons and me when out with her that people in their fifties or sixties would approach her and ask if she knew who they were.  And, like some sideshow act, she would look into these people’s eyes and without fail recognize them and call them by the name they preferred as a five-year old… and then…

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  • November 4, 2013

    So-So-So (3 Days to 40)

    Birthday CakeSo I was at the grocery store buying my wife a bottle of wine. The cashier (a broad-shouldered, older woman with a haircut reminiscent of something you would see in a lumberjack camp) took my ID. She looked at me, looked at my ID and then looked at me again. Immediately, I was overcome with a feeling of dread at the conversation coming.

    “You got a birthday coming up,” she began. She sounded like a smoker, or she had a cold. Either way, her voice was rougher and deeper than mine. When I speak to people that have voices deeper than my own it always makes me feel like a kid and I should use words like “ma’am” and “sir.”

    “Yup,” I replied simply. I hoped my short response with a word that wasn’t really even a word would end the discussion…. it didn’t.

    “A big one,” she said with an evil smile. The smile was a tad disconcerting.

    “Yes,” I  said with a nod. There was then this awkward pause.  Her, holding my license and smiling; me, doing my best not to make eye contact. After what felt like a minute, I added, “I’m trying not to think about it.” (more…)

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  • October 29, 2013

    If I could wear a Halloween costume…

    Trick or TreatAs an adult, it takes a certain amount of courage to put on a costume. Let me correct that…  it takes a certain amount of courage and alcohol to put on a costume.

    A costume draws people’s eyes towards you almost like being on a stage except it’s more personable. There isn’t the protective separation because of spotlight and distance. It’s real, you are a dude dressed up and they can see you… and talk to you.  

    I have always been impressed with people that have the strength to put on a costume. I look at them with a certain amount of awe, even those that attempt the cheaper creations. Of course, there is nothing like a great one though. For example, there is a woman down the street that on Halloween will dress-up as the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz and she has the look and cackle down perfectly. It can take a fan’s breath away… and also instinctively take two steps back in fright.

    For me, I never feel more like an introvert than at this time of the year. I go into my shell as I hand out candies; always being sure to give a little bit more to the kids who look truly great.

    Oh wait, does that make me a bad person? The fact I judge a kid’s costumes and award accordingly?

    Possibly.

    Actually the more I think about it, the more I am embarrassed I admitted that. Because even those in a bad costume are braver than me at that moment. But if I was to dress up… (more…)

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  • October 28, 2013

    Chicago/Chicago (9 Days to 40)

    The View From My Room1.

    Chicago trip/tolls/Red Vines & a Coke/a podcast about Rome at night/an antique land bathed in spotlights and crowds/loud conversations, broken statues, winding narrow streets lost in shadows/wife tries to sleep-

    Too-expensive hotel/broken shower/costumed adults running for a party/I’m seeking a Chicago dog/or a deep dish pizza/settled for sandwich/remembering another I had in Italy-

    Dirty streets/with beggars and tourists/tall shining buildings/everyone has someplace to be/everyone has a camera/strangely feel guilty by my noncommitments-

    Art Institute/I never look enough, I scan, scan, scan…/crowds fascinate me/I spy on the conversations/their casual  mole/stealing moments around the moments captured on canvas/chiseled out of stone/moments around moments/I sit & think of that turn of phrase-

    I worry about the clock/I worry about my writing and books/I worry about tomorrow/about the day after tomorrow/I worry about my children/the future/I always worry/in all these years it is now a friend-

    I will probably always worry-

    I should look around more/but I scan, scan, scan…-

    I almost buy a shirt- (more…)

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  • October 23, 2013

    Finding Comfort in Possessions: 14 Days Until 40

    Back to the FutureOne of the films I loved growing up was Back to the Future.  I’ve owned the trilogy a few different times now, and have the current version on Blu-Ray. I believe I bought it that opening week when it came out. Yeah, I’m one of those kind of collectors. I like things fresh off the shelves like fruits and vegetables.

    Well, a few years ago I was reading an interview with one of the creators. To be honest, I can’t remember if it was Robert Zemeckis or one or the producers or writers, but the speaker complained about the importance of greed in the film. If he had a chance to go back, he argued, he would have made it more about family as compared to the acquisition of possessions at the end.

    In other words, Marty’s family didn’t have to be rich and successful and Marty didn’t need the sweet new truck. Just getting his family back together should have been enough.

    Being a child of the 80’s, this idea kind of blew my mind. And between you and me, I feel like Marty had earned that truck… but now as a dad trying to imagine a better world for my kids, I side with that speaker. I would like my kids to see it that way. Marty won without the truck.

    Yet, with 40 fast approaching, I seem to be finding comfort in some of my possessions. They help me turn off my brain, focus my thoughts. And, in a way, define my journey up to this point and where I would like to see myself go. Of course, being the blogger I am, I have written about most of these things before.  So I will link to an original post and then give you an update on where I am now. Therapy? Partially. Helpful? Definitely.  These are my sanity as I step slowly towards this halfway mark… (more…)

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