Flashback Monday: “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Vasectomy” from ME STUFF

The great ending...Before I get to this week’s Flashback Monday (a classic old post that is collected in the new book ME STUFF, I did one last week as well about poisoning a professor which you can check out here), I just want to say something quick… ah hmm…

It’s only a few hours left to enter to win an autographed copy of ME STUFF!!! What are you waiting for!?! The link is at the bottom of this post! Hurry! Hurry!

Okay, I am done.  Here is the beginning of a piece I am pretty proud of, “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Vasectomy.” (Yup, you read that right; oh, and it also contains one of the most disturbing things anyone has ever said to me at a doctor’s office).

This was my end of the bargain.

My wife would have our two lovely children and when she was done I would go to the guillotine, as it were. I would be Sydney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities, with both hands tied behind my back being led to my destiny while reciting, “It is a far, far better thing I do…”

That sounds strangely noble in theory, but in actuality, I must admit, with the birth of our second child I had been avoiding this doctor trip like the plague. I had postponed the visit two different times (scheduling then rescheduling… twice), but after a year, I was running out of excuses for myself.

On the day of the appointment, I was freaking out. I tried to explain this to my wife, but, as sympathetic as she tried to be, she didn’t get it. And comparing it to what she had to experience in the birthing of our children, didn’t help. Yes, I am sure birth is a bigger life changing, panic-driven, and painful experience. But for a guy, this is something. Yes, it means something, and it’s not something that can be easily explained, it’s in the gut, it’s in the animal part of the brain. It is part of what defines us as male. Hear us roar!

You can read the rest of this article here. Or, even better, you can grab a copy of ME STUFF which contains 40 editorials like this one and it is super cheap-o. The eBook version of the book is only $1.99 (here on Amazon) and in print for only $8.99 (here on Amazon).

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Me Stuff by Scott D. Southard

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by Scott D. Southard

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My Five Favorite Posts, 2012

Father TimeI know we are not at the end of the year yet but I couldn’t wait. Yes, I am the kid on Christmas Eve wanting to open all of the presents early. And. let’s be honest, every blogger or writing site is going to be a doing a post like this. Why not be ahead of the curve?

So that’s me- Mr. Ahead of the Curve.

Before I get to my favorite posts, let me begin by saying how much I got a kick out of running this site this year. As a writer it has been very satisfying. Over the course of one year, I went from zero followers to 213 with over 25000 views this year alone. That is pretty awesome in my book, and just as satisfying this blog gave something back to me as a writer.

  • I was able to share fiction; things I have cared about that have been collecting dust around my house (and in my brain). The Dante Experience radio series is once again available to listen to, along with the unproduced scripts of the sequel.
  • A new collection of short stories, Upon The Ground, was shared on Green Spot Blue.
  • And I am writing a new book, Permanent Spring Showers, right here live for all to follow along… and many do!

A lot of what drives me and this site right now are you the readers. I know people say things like that all the time, but I am being very honest. You have no idea how powerful a like and a comment can be in spurring me forward, inspiring me. I might have abandoned this months ago if it wasn’t for the numbers and the responses. So this year, I am the most thankful for you the readers.

Thank you.

Here is my list of my favorite posts in no certain order… Continue reading

My April 2012 Update

What was that thing T. S. Elliot said about April… Okay, it is on the tip of my tongue. Oh, I’m sure I will get it sooner or later.

All I can say, is I am glad there is no reference to cats in the Wasteland. It’s still mind-blowing to me that the guy who wrote Wasteland also created the poems that inspired years of dancers dressed like cats spinning on a stage to Andrew Lloyd Weber music… But I digress.

The article that won’t go away…

Back in March, I wrote a personal reflection inspired by the closing of my high school (here). I already wrote in detail about the reaction to the article in my March update (here). To sum up, I hit a nerve with a lot of people and it was huge for me. It went on to have over 1300 views, spurring a sequel article (I felt I had to react to the loss of the school in a more straightforward-here-is-my-opinion way), and numerous, numerous comments on my site. Continue reading

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Vasectomy

This was my end of the bargain.

My wife would have our two lovely children and when she was done I would go to the guillotine, as it were. I would be Sydney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities, with both hands tied behind my back being led to my destiny while reciting, “It is a far, far better thing I do…”

That sounds strangely noble in theory, but in actuality, I must admit, with the birth of our second child I had been avoiding this doctor trip like the plague. I had postponed the visit two different times (scheduling then rescheduling… twice), but after a year, I was running out of excuses for myself.

On the day of the appointment, I was freaking out. I tried to explain this to my wife, but, as sympathetic as she tried to be, she didn’t get it. And comparing it to what she had to experience in the birthing of our children, didn’t help. Yes, I am sure birth is a bigger life changing, panic-driven, and painful experience. But for a guy, this is something. Yes, it means something, and it’s not something that can be easily explained, it’s in the gut, it’s in the animal part of the brain. It is part of what defines us as male. Hear us roar!

I ended up making a quick excuse to run an errand, and then in a parking lot called one of my oldest friends to talk me down. I was the guy on the edge of the building preparing to jump, he was the understanding cop with the bullhorn explaining to me that I still will have a lot to live for.

I was going to be fine… I was going to be fine… I stepped away from the ledge. Continue reading