Lawn Signs

clinton-kaine-yard-sign-in-yardI’m going to share with you my one real crime.

And I got away with it completely. There has never been an arrest or a warrant on this one. So the big secret is about to come out. Are you ready?

I once stole political lawn signs from neighbor yards!

Yes, I am a thief. Here is what I would say to a judge:

But your honor, I was young! Only 18! And it was a joke. A practical joke, honest! You’ve done bad jokes in the past, right? Well, that is what this is! Just a simple laugh.

See, I had this friend in high school who had very strong opinions about the election that year (she was one of those souls that has a strong opinion about everything).  She wouldn’t stop talking about it. It drove me crazy! If I wanted to get her goat about it, I would point out that she would not be able to vote, she was only 17. But I would be able to. It actually was my first time voting and I was pretty excited about it.

This was the first election of Bill Clinton, going up against President George Bush and Ross Perot.

The friend detested those who were considering voting for the President. While I was looking forward to voting for Clinton (even though my first choice was Paul Tsongas), that ballot felt like my first step into adulthood. I vote… then graduate from high school… and then enter college. A real American grownup.

Anyway, so one day I had heard enough about her opinion about the election; and after school thanks to a free hour, I went out and collected about half a dozen lawn signs from the yards of strangers. I stuck them all around her mom’s front yard.

That was my one crime and I was never caught.

Judge, can I plead the fifth? I already talked and admitted it? Damn…

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The Christmas Accordion: Holiday 2012 Thoughts

I wrote this post after I heard about the Newtown shooting. When that awful event was taking place, I was at the movies, thinking about some holiday shopping I had to do afterwards. I still feel guilty that my life was so normal at that moment. Silly of me, I know, but with a son in elementary (now the same age as many of the victims), I was really overwhelmed and disgusted that such a thing could happen in our country. I have given a few times in the last year to two different groups hoping to change the conversation we have in our country around gun control. The first is The Sandy Hook Promise (which you can find at http://www.sandyhookpromise.org/) and Moms Demand Action (at http://momsdemandaction.org). Please consider donating today. I’m not saying ban all guns, just maybe we should consider what guns are on the market and how easy it is to buy them. Do people need military-style weaponry? No. Should people have background checks for all purchases? Yes. Should we know who owns what and how much? Certainly.

The Musings & Artful Blunders of Scott D. Southard

I have three memories around my second grade teacher, Mr. Nyenhuis.

The first involved the time he dumped Dan Wheeler’s desk on the ground, showing what an absolute mess it was. Seriously, there was a smell coming from it that we all had to find out about. It couldn’t be natural.

The second memory was around my broken wrist. It was my first (and only) broken anything and I had to get up in front of the class and tell everyone about it. I remember the feeling of all of my fellow classmates’ eyes on me and their excitement as I got closer and closer to the moment I fell off the bars on a backyard play set (I remember doing an incredibly inaccurate “crunch!” noise). To this day, I point to that moment as one of the defining ones that turned me towards storytelling.

The last memory involved Mr…

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