I’m going to share with you my one real crime.
And I got away with it completely. There has never been an arrest or a warrant on this one. So the big secret is about to come out. Are you ready?
I once stole political lawn signs from neighbor yards!
Yes, I am a thief. Here is what I would say to a judge:
But your honor, I was young! Only 18! And it was a joke. A practical joke, honest! You’ve done bad jokes in the past, right? Well, that is what this is! Just a simple laugh.
See, I had this friend in high school who had very strong opinions about the election that year (she was one of those souls that has a strong opinion about everything). She wouldn’t stop talking about it. It drove me crazy! If I wanted to get her goat about it, I would point out that she would not be able to vote, she was only 17. But I would be able to. It actually was my first time voting and I was pretty excited about it.
This was the first election of Bill Clinton, going up against President George Bush and Ross Perot.
The friend detested those who were considering voting for the President. While I was looking forward to voting for Clinton (even though my first choice was Paul Tsongas), that ballot felt like my first step into adulthood. I vote… then graduate from high school… and then enter college. A real American grownup.
Anyway, so one day I had heard enough about her opinion about the election; and after school thanks to a free hour, I went out and collected about half a dozen lawn signs from the yards of strangers. I stuck them all around her mom’s front yard.
That was my one crime and I was never caught.
Judge, can I plead the fifth? I already talked and admitted it? Damn…