The Stories of Scott D. Southard

May 18, 2012

Episode Seven: Time Out Of Mind
Episode 7 of

Time Out Of Mind,

The Sequel to

The Dante Experience

“In the Garden of Eden”

OPENING CREDITS

Scene 1

SOUND: Of Heaven.

MICHAEL: The trick is not to panic.

REPAIR ANGEL: You’ve been saying that for twenty minutes.

MICHAEL: Just remember that, your great glorious one. Remember that. Here you might need this brown paper bag. I find breathing into it can be soothing. Are you ready? The three remaining dragons have arrived in the Garden of Eden and they have found Adam and Eve.

REPAIR ANGEL: This is exciting stuff! (more…)
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May 17, 2012

Dear How I Met Your Mother- I’m sorry, it’s not you, it’s me…
Dear How I Met Your Mother,

I really wish I didn’t have to write this letter, but after your season finale I felt I had to say something… Okay, I am beginning this all wrong. Let me try again-

Do you remember when we first met? What a wonderful and magical summer that was!

My wife and I discovered you during the end of your third season and over the summer we rented your two first seasons, watching them back to back and even a second time. We would talk about you all the time. You were recommended to friends.

We laughed at all your jokes, even the bad ones, we could not get enough of your company! You were an additional guest at our table; and while I quietly thought the first season was a little weak, I brushed it off since I enjoyed your visits so much. (more…)
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May 15, 2012

Upon The Ground: Jake’s Amazing Talent
The eighth short story from my collection Upon The Ground is available for your reading pleasure at greenspotblue.com (here). You can catch up on the previous short stories via the links on the Upon The Ground page.

Today’s story a surreal black comedy called “Jake’s Amazing Talent.” Here is a bit of the beginning of the work:

–

“Jake’s Amazing Talent”

The last thing Jake expected to be when he woke up on Monday was dead.

“Not today,” Jake moaned. Jake Hawkins was an ad consultant for a large grocery store corporation. He was born into the job. His father started the corporation over thirty years ago. Jake was raised with the notion that this great business would be his as soon as his father kicked the bucket. So patiently Jake grew up, waiting. Never did another thought enter his head other than the idea of owning this large moneymaking business.

But now that would never happen because Jake Hawkins, age twenty-eight, was dead. He sat up in his bed, yawned, and thought about this some more. His arm itched so he scratched it. Jake collapsed back down on his bed. “Oh, why today,” he moaned again. “Why did I have to die today?”

Today he was supposed to propose a new ad campaign to the board (He was calling it “Eat to Live.”). His father hoped that his presentation would show his strength to the members so they would not worry when he inherited the stores. But that was all too late.

“I’m dead…. I’m dead…. I’m dead….” He kept mumbling it to himself. It felt so weird to say it. The idea of death was just something Jake never pictured happening to him. He was always raised with the notion that he was somewhat greater than normal people. He was the heir to the great business king and his veins flowed with blue blood…. Or better yet, had flowed with green money-like blood.

He was dead.

–

You can read the rest of the story here. I hope you like it.
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May 11, 2012

Episode Six: Time Out Of Mind
Episode 6 of

Time Out Of Mind,

The Sequel to

The Dante Experience

“The Hunt”

OPENING CREDITS

Scene 1

SOUND: Of Heaven.

REPAIR ANGEL: Here is your problem right here. Look at all the memory you have used on your computer. No wonder it’s bombed.

MICHAEL: Oh, hi your great holiness. I didn’t know you were listening in. The computer repair angel here is just trying to get the computer up and running again.

REPAIR ANGEL: What are all these pictures?

MICHAEL: Oh, nothing! Just delete that!

REPAIR ANGEL: Who is she?

MICHAEL: Nothing, nothing… Anyway…

REPAIR ANGEL: She certainly is flexible whoever she is… (more…)
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May 4, 2012

Episode Five: Time Out Of Mind
Episode 5 of

Time Out Of Mind,

the sequel to

The Dante Experience

“A Night at the Theater”

OPENING CREDITS

Scene 1

SOUND: Of Heaven.

MICHAEL: Hello, your holiness, I have returned. I’m sorry about all that and my date. I’m so red. I mean, if angels could blush I would be red, not red like a devil or anything. Red just doesn’t work for me. Tried dressing up as a devil once for Halloween. I had this little tail and pitchfork and I was poking people with it and you probably don’t want to hear about that. Anyway, I brought some paradise cleaner that should help the mess and… Ok, I’ll just put it here.

SOUND: Putting cleaning supplies down.

MICHAEL: Ok, let me boot up my computer and the surveillance equipment and the video players and see what I have missed. Let’s see… Well, at least some good news since we know that one of the dragons is in Camelot. Of course, you can’t help but wonder what the other dragons have gone and what they are planning and… Do you wonder things like that? I mean… Nevermind. So the group is in the right spot. The group, now including Benjamin Franklin, are in the court of King Arthur. Our team of General Joseph, Jenkins and Dante are… Hmmm… Oh, here they are.

SOUND: Computer Beep.

MICHAEL: They have escaped France after having their heads chopped off and have been transported by the Angel Transportation League to a small village near Camelot. (more…)
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April 30, 2012

Film Review: The Pirates!
I have a new film review up at Green Spot Blue for the children’s comedy, The Pirates! Band of Misfits (here). Here is the beginning of the review:

I want to begin this review with my only little complaint; which could really be considered by some a tangent. Did you know in England and Europe that this film is called The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! and yet here in the USA it is called The Pirates! Band of Misfits.

Is anyone else insulted by this change like I am?

It reminds me like how they changed the first Harry Potter book from Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone to a Sorcerer’s Stone (and let’s note the philosopher’s stone is an actual item from mythology, as compared to the made up and—lets say it—obvious and easily named “sorcerer’s stone”). Should we as a culture be annoyed by what this says about us? (Yes, is my initial response.) Are our kids really that anti-education/school/science that entertainment power players don’t even want to try and go down this road?

Have they actually tested to see if they would lose money with the original title here in our country? Is there focus group material out there with kids that I can see showing why they made the change? Or did some ordinary dude in a powerful position who didn’t like science in school, and thought he could speak for all Americans everywhere, simply do this?

Whatever the case, as you can tell, this change bothers me. Personally, I don’t they think the original title would drive kids away. And isn’t the idea of having an adventure with scientists kind of funny a concept by itself?

OK, I got that out of my system; let’s get to the review of the film. And let me state I am not going to talk like a pirate in this review or do any bad pirate puns.

You can read the rest of my review (and why I recommend taking your child to see it) here.
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April 27, 2012

Episode Four: Time Out Of Mind
Episode 4 of

Time Out Of Mind,

the sequel to

The Dante Experience

“Michael Has a Date”

OPENING CREDITS

Scene 1

SOUND: Of Heaven

MICHAEL: (Flying in) Hello, hello. Sir. I received your page. What’s going on is something wrong? What is that you have there?

SOUND: Paper rustling.

MICHAEL: For me? Ok, let me just read this note and… Ok, you really didn’t need the swear words! All you had to do was ask? I’ll tell you what is going on? No problem. I’ll just boot up the system here and as I do, I will tell you…

SOUND: Computer booting up.

MICHAEL: Ok, there we go… In the year 3020, genetic engineers on earth have developed the capability to create dragons. And these creatures, as I’ve been told by those damn future watchers, were used to for sport at amusement parks. See, mankind has always had a fascination with dragons- from bad movies to bad… well, frankly a lot of bad things, probably one of the reasons that the dragons are upset right there. Anyway, these futuristic dragons would be created, raised for a week then killed for sport by a knight… Now where the problem took place is that they kept recreating the same dragons! You see what I am getting at?… No? Ok, well, these dragons hate being brought to life and being killed over and over again, so one of the smart ones, Smaug is his name, decided to seek revenge. So him and his fellow dragons broke out of the lab early and stole a time traveling device in the hope of destroying mankind in the past where he doesn’t have the tools to fight back… Of course what they don’t realize is if they destroy man in the past, they will be erased from existence…

SOUND: Of computer beeping.

MICHAEL: And if they go back too far, maybe wipe all of us out of existence… Not you, of course, but for us it is sticky situation. Right now, the only people that can save the day are the group from the Dante Experience since they were given the weapon from the knight. And, as luck would have it, they have already killed one of the five in revolutionary Paris and…

KELLII: (chewing gum) What is this place? What is that smell? It smells like incense. (more…)
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April 20, 2012

Episode Three: Time Out Of Mind
Episode 3 of

Time Out Of Mind,

the sequel to

The Dante Experience

“A Duel for Josephine”

OPENING CREDITS

Scene 1

SOUND: Of Heaven.

MICHAEL: Ok, lunchtime is over sir. Where were we? Ok, there are five dragons going through time trying to destroy the history of mankind. They are being chased by the kids from The Dante Experience under the leadership of Susan. From Heaven we have sent our own task force consisting of General Joseph, Angel Jenkins and Dante to help. And then there is… Ok, I’m getting a transmission from Angel Ted. After my encounter with Mephistopheles on Dead Celebrity Tic Tac Toe, I asked Angel Ted to keep an eye on the devil to see what he’s doing. We now go to Angel Ted live in Hell. Ted are you there?

Scene 2

SOUND: Of Hell- Outside of noise.

TED: (To himself) Another great assignment with Michael. I wish I had an excuse to… (Noticing he is on, upset and sarcastic throughout all his lines) Well, Hello Angel Michael.

MICHAEL: (confused) Ah, hi Angel Ted. Is everything ok?

TED: Oh, yeah. Everything is super.

MICHAEL: Good.

TED: Everything is super keen.

MICHAEL: Ok.

TED: With a capital K. Keeeeeeeen.

MICHAEL: Ted, if there is a problem this is probably the wrong time. I’m currently in the big guy’s throne room and…. (more…)
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April 17, 2012

Upon The Ground: The Duck
This week’s short story from my collection Upon The Ground is up at GreenSpotBlue (Here). This time it is a comedy entitled “The Duck.”

Here is the beginning of the story:

–

“The Duck”

“Do you know what that is?” The Interviewer asked in his deep, rough, slow voice. He pointed at an object on his desk. I didn’t have the slightest idea what it was. Whatever it was it was bloody and very disgusting. I quickly thought back to all my classes on job placement and interviews. No… No… No…. None of them said anything about bloody objects. The only experience I had in college with bloody objects was when I dissected that frog in Biology 101, but that wouldn’t come back to haunt me now (would it?). I decided to be honest with the interviewer. “No, sir, I don’t.”

“That is my spleen,” he said. He sounded very proud.

“Why, that’s nice.” I made a mental note that this man had no spleen in his body. It sounded important at the time.

“So can you figure out why I have my spleen on display?”

My mind frantically jumped from thought to thought. Can there truly be a good answer for why a person has their spleen removed and placed on their desk? I decided to go with the honest answer. “No, I don’t, sir.”

By the look of disappointment on his face, I instantly knew I had given the wrong response. “Because,” he said making sure to emphasis every syllable. “I want my clients to know that I am hiding nothing from them.” He waved his hands in front of his suit. “This is what I have on the outside.” He pointed at the spleen. “And this is what I have inside.” He made sure to make eye contact with me. “I am an open book.”

–

If you would like to read the rest of the story, please visit GreenSpotBlue here.

Thanks for reading!
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April 6, 2012

Episode One: Time Out Of Mind
Episode 1 of

Time Out Of Mind,

the sequel to

The Dante Experience

“A Whole New Mess”

OPENING CREDITS

Scene 1

SOUND: Of God’s throne room.

MICHAEL: Good morning your holy sir. It’s me, Angel Michael X34267-1. I know, I know you banned me from your throne room after the, ahh, incident last year. I don’t know how I can be blamed for the Dante Experience but… You’re making that face again. You’re making that face and so I know you are not happy and…

SOUND: Lighting!

MICHAEL: Whoa, Whoa! Come on! Let’s be reasonable here. Do you seriously think I would bother the big Guy if I didn’t have a reason? I’m not stupid…. Ok, I’m stupid. I agree with you there. But this is important. And there is a reason why I was chosen to discuss the situation with you.

MOVING ANGEL: Where do you want this stuff?

MICHAEL: Oh, great the computer supplies are here. Just set them up here.

MOVING ANGEL: Wow, is that who I think it is?

MICHAEL: Yeah, it is… Don’t stare, he doesn’t like it. (more…)
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