“Jack Tries to Buy an Electric Car!” A new episode of the Jack Benny Program

Have you ever had a day when you just wanted to write an episode of the Jack Benny Program, as if the radio show was still on the air? (Or is that just me?) What would they be talking about today? Enjoy!

“Jack Tries to Buy an Electric Car”

OPENING CREDITS

MUSIC: Fast-paced “Yankee Doodle Dandy”

DON WILSON: (Quickly) It’s the Jack Benny Program! Starring Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson.

SOUND: Audience applauds.

MUSIC: Fades out.

ACT ONE

SOUND: Nature, quiet Sunday. Birds chirping. Cars quiet in the distance.

DON: Quiet Sunday afternoons can make any man contemplative, even Jack Benny. Today we find our esteemed host walking through his neighborhood deep in thought.

JACK BENNY: (Thoughtful) Well, this neighborhood certainly has changed over the years… Neighbors have come and gone. Some have died, some have moved. I only sued a few of them…

SOUND: Laughter

JACK: Fifties… Sixties… I was here for the Beatles. Now two of them are deceased and the other two are in their 70s. (Pause) I’m still 39.

SOUND: Laughter

JACK: Don’t know how I do it. Yet, even at this age, I still see the tripping of time… Maturity that is what you get with the days. You can’t be young and foolish forever.

DENNIS DAY: Excuse me, Mr. Benny have you seen my little red wagon?

SOUND: Audience cheers and laughs

JACK: Dennis!

SOUND: Laughter

JACK: (Holding back his own laughter) What did you say, Dennis?

DENNIS: My little red wagon. Yes, my little red wagon. (sing-song style) Oh where, oh where can it be?

SOUND: Laugh

JACK: Dennis, I have known you for so many years, how are you still so incredibly ridiculous?

DENNIS: A daily regimen of pushups, vitamins, hijinks and tomfoolery.

SOUND: Laughter

JACK: Dennis, have you noticed how much the world has changed? How the world has begun to embrace multiculturalism, and different voices and talents seem to rise every day. Oh, some fight against the changes, but they can’t stop the tide of change. They will lose in the end, you can’t stop positive change. It is definitely not the privileged world we knew back when our radio show first aired.

DENNIS: (Frustrated) Have you seen my red wagon or not?

SOUND: Laughter Continue reading

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Out Today! Fifth Anniversary Edition of A Jane Austen Daydream! Grab Your Copy!

Today I am excited to announce that Madison Street Publishing has just released a fifth anniversary edition of A JANE AUSTEN DAYDREAM!

With a cool new cover, this addition of A Jane Austen Daydream includes a brand new introduction by Jane Austen expert Lisa Galek from AustenProse.

For those that do not know about this novel, here is how it is described on the back of the new edition:

All her heroines find love in the end–but is there love waiting for Jane?

Jane Austen spends her days writing and matchmaking in the small countryside village of Steventon, until a ball at Godmersham Park propels her into a new world where she yearns for a romance of her own. But whether her heart will settle on a young lawyer, a clever Reverend, a wealthy childhood friend, or a mysterious stranger is anyone’s guess.

Written in the style of Jane herself, this novel ponders the question faced by many devoted readers over the years–did she ever find love? Weaving fact with fiction, it re-imagines her life, using her own stories to fill in the gaps left by history and showing that all of us–to a greater or lesser degree–are head over heels for Jane.

Now for my readers who are not into Jane Austen let me say that this is NOT your typical Austen story. This book, while romantic, is also witty and experimental. I don’t want to ruin any of the surprises here but it is very different from other books you will read in any genre.

You can find this new addition as a paperback, e-book, and an (amazing) audiobook on Amazon right now. Check it out here – http://a.co/g7Q9aWr

And please, if you enjoy this book share and tell your friends. I would love for more readers to find my daydream.

Thanks for reading!

Free eBook for the holidays! Grab a copy of A JANE AUSTEN DAYDREAM today!


A Jane Austen Daydream“I consider this novel one of the best not only in regency era literature, but also in mainstream fiction.” -NovelTravelist

I’m excited to announce, that for a limited time (December 24 through 28), my novel A Jane Austen Daydream will be FREE for Kindle! You can grab your copy here (http://amzn.com/B00CH3HQUU).

“Scott Southard’s Jane is a delightful creature.” -Austenprose.com

Published by Madison Street Publishing, A Jane Austen Daydream imagines new possibilities for Ms. Austen, giving her the literary, witty, surprising, and romantic adventure she might have dreamed for one of her characters. Here is the back cover description:

All her heroines find love in the end–but is there love waiting for Jane?

Jane Austen spends her days writing and matchmaking in the small countryside village of Steventon, until a ball at Godmersham Park propels her into a new world where she yearns for a romance of her own. But whether her heart will settle on a young lawyer, a clever Reverend, a wealthy childhood friend, or a mysterious stranger is anyone’s guess.

Written in the style of Jane herself, this novel ponders the question faced by many devoted readers over the years–did she ever find love? Weaving fact with fiction, it re-imagines her life, using her own stories to fill in the gaps left by history and showing that all of us–to a greater or lesser degree–are head over heels for Jane.

You can grab your copy here (http://amzn.com/B00CH3HQUU).

AND…

Permanent Spring ShowersIf you grab a free copy, why not say thank you by picking up my latest novel, Permanent Spring Showers?

Recently published by 5 Prince Books, Permanent Spring Showers is the story of affairs, love triangles, betrayal and the most important painting of this century. You can find it in print and eBook on amazon here (http://amzn.com/B00T74HH0Q) and many other online retailers.

Here is the back cover description:

Professor Rebecca Stanley-Wilson is having a very bad season. Her husband has just admitted to having an affair. And it was with one of her students.

Blame it on a desire for revenge (or way too much alcohol), she then has had one of her own. Unfortunately for her, her affair was with one of the great upcoming painters of his generation. The ramifications of that one torrid evening will not only be felt across her life but over the entire art world.

Sexy, funny, and very surprising, Permanent Spring Showers is the tale of one very memorable springtime and how it impacts a group of unique artists and dreamers. From the writer who is creating a new literary movement (through outright manipulation), to the hopeful Olympian with the failing marriage, to the romantic wondering what he did wrong to drive his love from him, each tale walks the line between reality and fantasy. And waiting at the end of the line is a very important painting… and possibly the revolver used in the Lincoln Assassination.

I hope you enjoy my books! Have a great Holiday Season! Happy Reading!

“Vince has IT.” The Review takes on Permanent Spring Showers. And an ebook giveaway!

PaintbrushesToday, my latest novel, Permanent Spring Showers, was given an amazing review by Anna Belfrage of The Review (here). If you have ever been curious about my new book, this is the review to read!  This has definitely made my day and my holiday season. Here is one excerpt I totally got a kick out of:

The story is told through multiple POVs – ten at my last counting. Each of these POVs has been gifted with a distinctive voice – in itself an achievement… He manages all this with impressive elegance, dragging the reader along through a story as multi-layered as an onion.

Oh, and this one:

Mr Southard has written a complicated, twisting story and the fact that he succeeds in bringing it all together is testament to his significant writing skills… Mr Southard has his various creations under tight control – and what an impressive array of characters he presents us with! Add to this fast-paced dialogue, excellent description and a gift for peppering his text with humoristic observations of the day-to-day, and you have a novel that is at times challenging but always rewarding. Very rewarding.

You can read the rest of this flattering review here.

But that’s not all! My publisher, 5 Prince Books, is giving four lucky readers a free eBook copy of Permanent Spring Showers! You can find out more at The Review how you can win.

Permanent Spring ShowersPermanent Spring Showers  is out in both print and eBook, you can find it on amazon.com here. The eBook is on sale for only $3.99.

You can read a sample and learn more about the book via this page.

“A Tour de Force” BooksChatter reviews Permanent Spring Showers

Paint Cans“The overall writing was not only original, but utterly beautiful, flowing, easy to read, witty and funny…”

I’ve been really enjoying the reviews Permanent Spring Showers has been getting. I really felt like, when I was writing the book, that I was doing something out of the mainstream unpredictable sure, but also inspired by some classic works of literature. And in this 5-star review (here) from BooksChatter she really dives into the reader’s experience in my world.

She even shared on the review a picture of a diagram she made connecting all of my characters. I kid you not! And it is awesome!

Here is a description of her breaking down the character of Vince:

“All of the players are somehow related to Vince, who lives and breathes art; who is charismatic, sexy, exceptional, admirable, despicable, romantic, sensitive and a complete bastard all at the same time.  Vince is unique, larger than life and always inspiring.”

At the end of the review, she asked for a sequel. LOL

You can check out the full review here.Permanent Spring Showers

This is a great time to grab a copy of my latest work. The eBook is only $3.99! You can find it on Amazon here. Permanent Spring Showers is published by 5 Prince Books. You can also find out more about it (and read an excerpt) on this page on my site.

 

Running out of time! Two will win an autographed copy of the new novel Permanent Spring Showers!

Mood-Paint-BrushThe book giveaway for my new novel Permanent Spring Showers is almost done on Goodreads!

Two winners will win an autographed copy of my latest novel. You can enter by clicking below. Get to it! You know you want to…

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Permanent Spring Showers by Scott D. Southard

Permanent Spring Showers

by Scott D. Southard

Giveaway ends April 21, 2015.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to Win

Funny, Smart, Sexy, and very surprising, Permanent Spring Showers is the new literary fiction by that dude that wrote A Jane Austen Daydream (yeah me).

Professor Rebecca Stanley-Wilson is having a very bad season. Her husband has just admitted to having an affair. And it was with one of her students.

Blame it on a desire for revenge (or way too much alcohol), she then has had one of her own. Unfortunately for her, her affair was with one of the great upcoming painters of his generation. The ramifications of that one torrid evening will not only be felt across her life but over the entire art world.

Permanent Spring Showers is the tale of one very memorable springtime and how it impacts a group of unique artists and dreamers. From the writer who is creating a new literary movement (through outright manipulation), to the hopeful Olympian with the failing marriage, to the romantic wondering what he did wrong to drive his love from him, each tale walks the line between reality and fantasy. And waiting at the end of the line is a very important painting… and possibly the revolver used in the Lincoln Assassination.

Permanent Spring ShowersPermanent Spring Showers was published by 5 Prince Books and is available on all online book retailers. Out in both print and eBook, you can find it on amazon.com here. The eBook is on sale for only $3.99.

You can read a sample and learn more about the book via this page. Grab a copy today!

New Goodreads Book Giveaway! Two will win an autographed copy of Permanent Spring Showers

Good Reads“Readers eager to read an unconventional tale told in an unconventional way will love this book… A very ambitious undertaking that shows great courage and creativity on Scott’s part. Bravo, Scott.” -The Booknatics

Hey, want something cool?

There is a new book giveaway on Goodreads for Permanent Spring Showers right now! Two will win a copy of my new book, and I will even autograph it. Why? Because I am a nice guy. Here is the back cover description of this funny, unpredictable (possibly crazy), and sexy book:

Professor Rebecca Stanley-Wilson is having a very bad season. Her husband has just admitted to having an affair. And it was with one of her students.

Blame it on a desire for revenge (or way too much alcohol), she then has had one of her own. Unfortunately for her, her affair was with one of the great upcoming painters of his generation. The ramifications of that one torrid evening will not only be felt across her life but over the entire art world.

Sexy, funny, and very surprising, Permanent Spring Showers is the tale of one very memorable springtime and how it impacts a group of unique artists and dreamers. From the writer who is creating a new literary movement (through outright manipulation), to the hopeful Olympian with the failing marriage, to the romantic wondering what he did wrong to drive his love from him, each tale walks the line between reality and fantasy. And waiting at the end of the line is a very important painting… and possibly the revolver used in the Lincoln Assassination.

You can enter the giveaway by clicking below: 

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Permanent Spring Showers by Scott D. Southard

Permanent Spring Showers

by Scott D. Southard

Giveaway ends April 21, 2015.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

“Bravo, bravo, bravo!” Booktalk With Eileen reviews the audiobook of A Jane Austen Daydream

Audible Book Cover_A Jane Austen DaydreamNow this is cool!

Booktalk with Eileen recently reviewed the audiobook of A Jane Austen Daydream. I think Louisa Gummer did an amazing job bringing the book to life and I am thrilled that it got such a great review! Here is an excerpt from the review:

Readers who enjoy books that use Jane Austen’s characters in their writing will get much more from this book. We get to meet Jane Austen herself as she is writing her books and experience the moment when she finally becomes published. I applaud Scott D. Southard for this marvelous, delightfully written story which I place in literary fiction genre. I cried for Jane. I cried for another of the characters whom I can’t share his name—no spoilers here. I laughed at how the characters were described, acted and how outlandish some reacted to events. I’m sure this will be one of my better reads/listens this year and will stay long with me. A most laudable book with a laudable production. Bravo, bravo, bravo!

You can read the entire review here (and I hope you will!).

The audiobook of A Jane Austen Daydream is available on Audible, iTunes, and Amazon right now. And on each of the sites you can hear a different sample of the wonderful performance by Louisa Gummer. Check it out and grab your copy today!

  • You can find it on Audible.com here.  It is free for members, or it can be purchased for $24.95.
  • It is available on iTunes (here) for $21.95.
  • And on Amazon (here) where it is free to members, or $21.83

TWritingShow_logoColorAnd remember…

I’ll be part of a panel speaking about Jane Austen and writing this Wednesday! It will be on The Writing Show hosted by James Rivers Writers in Richmond. You can register to attend the event here. I hope to see you there!

Only a few days left to grab an ebook of A Jane Austen Daydream for just 99 cents!

A Jane Austen Daydream“Scott Southard’s Jane is a delightful creature.” -Austenprose.com

Only until December 28, you can grab a copy of A Jane Austen Daydream for just 99 cents! Published by Madison Street, A Jane Austen Daydream is something very different. For the newbie and the fan and those faintly curious, there is something for every reader in its pages. Here is the link: http://amzn.com/B00CH3HQUU

“I consider this novel one of the best not only in regency era literature, but also in mainstream fiction.” -NovelTravelist.com

All her heroines find love in the end–but is there love waiting for Jane?

Jane Austen spends her days writing and matchmaking in the small countryside village of Steventon, until a ball at Godmersham Park propels her into a new world where she yearns for a romance of her own. But whether her heart will settle on a young lawyer, a clever Reverend, a wealthy childhood friend, or a mysterious stranger is anyone’s guess.

Written in the style of Jane herself, this novel ponders the question faced by many devoted readers over the years–did she ever find love? Weaving fact with fiction, it re-imagines her life, using her own stories to fill in the gaps left by history and showing that all of us–to a greater or lesser degree–are head over heels for Jane.

“If asked to sum up this book in one word, I would have to choose “unpredictable”… you will, in the end, be rewarded by a quick paced novel unlike any you can ever have read, which injects new ideas and possibilities into the world of Jane Austen.” -The Jane Austen Centre

A Jane Austen Daydream has also just recently been released as an audiobook! Narrated by the amazing Louisa Gummer, you can find it on Audible and iTunes.

“A definite read for all Jane Austen fans!” -Laura’s Little Book Blog

Merry Christmas to my now 1548 blog followers! And my attempt at the worst Christmas movie ever!

Seriously, the worst Christmas record cover ever. I don’t know why I always get shocked by bad holiday stories. I already complained this year about the cruel Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas (here) but this weekend I found something even worse. Wow, this is bad.

I don’t know the title of it, but it involved talking puppies. Okay, talking animals I can get behind a little bit, but the family they are staying with have their house go into foreclosure. They sneak away, leaving the mommy dog and her puppies in the house. Then animal control shows up and takes the mommy dog away, leaving the puppies! But wait! We aren’t done. Then the house is broken into by a group of teenage hoodlums, who want to sell the puppies on the black puppy market…. Okay, it was then I stopped watching. (I expect better Netflix!)

So it got me thinking, can I come up with a worse Christmas movie idea? Can I?  Also, it turns out it has been a while since I have done something fun to thank my blog followers. The last time I did it was when I reached 1300 followers, but now I am at 1548. So… yeah… I am due for something silly.  (Oh, and thank you for following!)

So, to my wonderful followers and readers, I wish to proudly present my advertisement for the worst Christmas movie ever- 24 ‘Til Snow!

24 ‘Til Snow!

Dickie Wayne III (frat brother, smooth playboy and eternal mischief-maker) has just inherited his grandfather’s ski lodge. But there is no snow! And if there isn’t snow by Christmas all of the guests will cancel and he will be ruined before he can even start! What is there to do? Why have a wild Bikini Christmas party of course! But what will happen when that snooping sheriff and his talking deputy dog learn that Dickie doesn’t have a liquor license?

24 ‘Til Snow!

Oh no! Santa drank from Big Lug’s secret family recipe moonshine! How will the guys ever get him sober enough to deliver the rest of the presents before Christmas morning? Keep your clothes on Santa!

24 ‘Til Snow!

Trixie (Dickie’s younger sister) has sneaked into the party and wants to learn the true meaning of love. How can Dickie, the playboy to end all playboy, protect his sister from his frat brothers and teach her the truths about the heart?

24 ‘Til Snow!

Aliens!

24 ‘Til Snow!

In a very heartfelt moment with a poor family, Dickie and his guests learn the true meaning of Christmas… now back to partying!

24 ‘Til Snow!

It turns out that grandfather’s lodge has been a secret meeting spot for Russian spies since World War II. And the Russians have hidden their top-secret codes inside of the lining of Dickie’s grandfather’s fedora. The same one Dickie has been wearing all night! Can the rookie (and hot) FBI agent save Dickie’s life… without falling in love?

24 ‘Til Snow!

Fun for the whole family! (Rated R)