This weekend, we put up our Christmas tree. We called it our “retro-tree” and used color lights and gold garland. Very 70’s. While we were doing this important activity, we listened to a holiday music station via our AT&T Uverse account. And, yes, while all of the classics were there, there were also a lot of bad Christmas songs on it.
A lot, a lot of bad Christmas songs…
Christmas donkeys, Suzy Snowflake, Alvin and the Chipmunks… It almost made me wonder if the person who planned the setlist had a hidden agenda. An agenda of holiday pain and bitterness. What did Santa do to them?
The fact is there is a trick to writing a good Christmas song (which I can tell you if you want), yet we still get horrendous new holiday songs each year (I wrote this post last year on the worst one I ever heard). Most bad holiday songs are around love and heartbreak and done by struggling pop artists. So to celebrate the fact that I’ve now REACHED 1000 BLOG FOLLOWERS, I’ve decided to enter the financial holiday gravy train.
“A Stocking Full of You”
If Snowflakes are daydreams
My lawn is covered with a thousand wishes of you-
When I sit on Santa’s lap
All I asked for was you in a bow-(Chorus) You make my sleigh bells jingle-
You light up Rudolph’s nose-
Jump in your sleigh and head over-
It’s almost Christmas day-Jack Frost and Frosty
Can’t freeze my longing heart-
All the Christmas songs are in minor keys
When they forget your smile-(Chorus)
(Bridge) Santa likes his cookies-
Reindeers like their hay-
This year I have only one wish on my list-
Have I been naughty?
Have I been naughty?
Oh!(Chorus)
(Chorus)
End
I expect all of the country singers and boy bands to send their checks directly to me from here to eternity.
Thanks for following my blog!
The Musings & Artful Blunders of Scott D. Southard 
That was very sweet and I forgive you for your blah blog on Thanksgiving.
Blah? Haahaahaa… I think I made a pretty good argument for Thanksgiving by the end of it.
Can you provide a tune? I’d like to add this to my choir’s holiday concert. I’m picturing caroling, karaoke, maybe even a flash mob… there’s no telling how big this thing could get!
LOL. Okay, it would have to have a generic pop vibe to it, simple melody (the trick of course, like most bad songs is making words that don’t rhyme sound like they do- bow and you). Also I imagine a bad tenor saxophone solo or badly chosen heavy rock guitar solo after the bridge.
Maybe we can even have a bad rap in the middle? LOL.
My ears are threatening to fall off at the mere thought of this. (>^-‘)>
Do fish have ears? LOL
Well, there you are, then – the concept was so traumatizing that I’ve never had ears to begin with. (>^-‘)>
Love the song 🙂 Now you just need some starving Youtube artist to record it for you and you’re golden!
Eek! As long as no one takes this too seriously. The performance has to be over the top. I was aiming to copy all of the bad love songs you hear that pretend to be Christmas songs each year.
The funny thing is there is something that all good Christmas songs share and it is they are based around memories and imagery. I could do something like that with one hand tied behind my back (and it might even rhyme).
Cheers!
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